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Jul
2
So it’s July already. Clearly nobody asked me if I was ready for that. In the past few weeks I’ve had occasional, fleeting thoughts of blogging. I miss this place. Believe me when I say, I could not find an extra five minutes in my day to post, or even read my favorite blogs. I am so sad about that.
But, I am very happy about the reason I have been sooo busy. I was nervous about announcing beforehand what I was going to be doing, in case I followed my instinct and chickened out before I got started. And because I had no idea how busy I was going to be.
I’ve been busy making a long time dream of mine come true. You know those dreams that you have, thoughts or plans or wishes that you just never think will happen? Those dreams that just hang out in your mind and heart, never completely going away? I’ve been making a big one come true.
I went back to graduate school. I still get a big smile on my face when I say that! I have talked about it for years, only to my husband of course. I have dreamed about it for years, but never really believed I could do it. Actually, I was pretty sure I could not do, and that I would quit or be kicked out the first day of classes. Right up until classes started, I kept telling my husband not to tell anyone, because I wanted to leave the back door open for a quick exit. He helpfully told everyone we know and told me to slam that back door shut, cause I was not looking back. So, I didn’t.
This is not a typical education or career path. I have an undergraduate degree in business that I’ve never really used, because for the past fourteen years I’ve only taken jobs that allowed me to work from home. Any job, as long as I could be home with my babies boys. For the past year these jobs or lack thereof have really weighed on me. I want to work and need to work, but I was getting really tired of not being interested in my work. No interest in most of it at all. Some of it I do love, but most of it, no love. My dream job, if anyone ever asked, has always been to work in a bookstore. Or a library. Ask anyone who has known me for more than, oh, five minutes, and they’ll say I’d be a perfect librarian. But it’s always been one of those dreams, the ones that never come true, they just hang out in your head.
Until one day, when you decide, just for the heck of it, to call the university and find out what it takes to get in the Library Media Specialist graduate program. Fully expecting them to say that I’d have to start over with a different undergrad degree then a masters degree, but I called anyway, on a total whim.
They said it doesn’ t matter what my undergrad degree is in. They listed off a couple easy and simple hoops to jump through to get accepted into the program, one of which was filling out an application and the other was sending my transcripts. That was it, no other hoops.
On another whim, I filled out the paperwork and forwarded the transcripts and waited for my rejection letter. I expected it to say something along the lines of Do you realize you are 40 years old?? That rejection letter never showed up. I was accepted into the program and had an appointment to meet with my advisor to set up a plan of study within a short two weeks after my first whimsical phone call. It actually happened so fast that I don’t think it really registered with me that I could do this and that the university wasn’t laughing at me for wanting to do this.
This is so huge for me. I’m not a risk taker, I will stay in my comfort zone long after it has stopped being enjoyable rather than try something new. For a solid month I had panic attacks thinking about going back to school. I refused to tell anyone, refused to believe it and always kept my mind on, I can quit if I want. But I don’t want to quit and I didn’t.
I just completed my first seven hours of graduate school. They forgot to mention to me that one graduate class is basically equivalent to 2.5 undergrad classes, or that they were cramming sixteen weeks worth of work into sixteen days. I probably would not have taken two classes and a workshop if I had known. It has been very tough. Not only have I neglected this blog, I have not cooked a meal in four weeks. I haven’t cleaned my house in four weeks. I miss my family and I miss sleeping. I have not survived on this little sleep in decades, and I don’t like it.
But I made it. Today was my last class for the summer. Is it ok to say that I loved my classes, as hard as they were? I love the library media program. I love being back in school. I can’t wait for the fall semester to start. Ok, I take that back, I do need a break. But the word “quit” is not in my vocabulary now.
So there you have it, one dream coming true. I’m so excited I cannot even put it in words. I have more work to do than most of the other students in this program. I don’t have a teaching background, so I need to volunteer or substitute teach, or both. I will end up getting my teaching certificate at some point. So there’s lots of work ahead. I’m ready for it.
So please excuse my absence. I am back, and soon I will be rested and refreshed and able to keep my eyes open. Not today, but soon.
What dreams are hanging out in your heart?
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Jun
12
Nolan is twelve years old today. Impossible, but true.
When Nolan was probably 6 months old, my husband told me that there was a scary moment right after he was born. I had a c-section, and for some reason right after he was born, I passed out. At the same time, he was blue and not breathing. My husband was surrounded by bustling nurses snapping orders, some taking care of me and some taking care of Nolan. He didn’t know who to go to, because at that moment he was scared that he was going to lose both of us. It passed quickly, I woke up and Nolan started breathing. I didn’t even know about for months because he was too shaken by it to tell me.
Nolan was born with two thumbs on his left hand. He had the extra one removed when he turned one. They put a big cast on him, which we thought was ridiculous but they said it was because they didn’t want him to get out of it. We laughed at the idea that he could somehow get out of a cast, until the morning after his surgery. My husband went in to check on him, and came back to bed and didn’t say a word. I asked how the baby was, he said he’s lying in his crib and the cast is completely off. The little stinker. We took him back to the doctor and they made the cast even bigger. We actually thought it might slow him down, but we were wrong.
He was always a happy little guy. As long as he was at home, with his family. For about the first eight months of his life, he hated leaving home and let me know loud and clear that he hated it.
Look at the pure joy on that kids face. He got his first big boy bike from grandpa. Those training wheels didn’t stay on very long. I came home from running errands once and he was covered from head to toe in cuts and scrapes from a bike crash. Mike’s shirt was bloody from carrying him home from the crash site. I had a tiny huge panic attack when I saw them, but Nolan was already asking to get back on his bike. Somehow we’ve managed to get to twelve with no broken bones!
His favorite thing has always been sports. He’s played baseball, basketball, karate, soccer and swimming. He tried ice skating, ice hockey and skateboarding, all when he was five years old. It was so cute to see him all decked out in about fifty pounds of knee pads, elbow pads and a huge helmet, at the skate park with the teenagers. So far, baseball is the all time favorite, but he’s been asking to try golf, so we’ll see.
This child is so much like his dad, it’s spooky sometimes. Their mannerisms, their words, their likes and dislikes. People that barely know Nolan will comment that he’s a clone of his father. I have to remind myself sometimes that he’s still a little guy, even as he’s reminding me to wash his baseball uniform or telling me how to fix the ice maker.
He will deny it, but he’s a pretty sweet kid. He’s been a joy and a huge blessing for the past twelve years. Which went by way too fast for me. Happy Birthday love.
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Jun
6
My son is turning 12 next week - I know, I can’t believe it either. He celebrated today with a paintball party and some good friends. And left with more than a few hard earned welts and bruises. Good fun.
First, the sleepy boy with his cookie cake. My kids aren’t big cake eaters so they get cookie cakes, and this is the best looking one we’ve ever gotten.
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Getting ready to rumble.
I don’t know, can I call him my little toughie even though he’ s almost 12? We won’t tell him.
Even though he wore two layers of clothes he came home with bruises battle wounds which he is very proud of. I was safe behind a huge mesh tarp, in charge of protecting the cake and drinks. I always get the most important jobs.
His actual birthday is next week, and on that day we will discuss how it is impossible that my baby is 12.
For more SOOC Saturday visit Slurping Life.
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Jun
3
Okayyy. Computers do not like me. We can officially establish that right now. I had to get a new computer last January, so five short months ago. Monday, that almost brand new computer did not work. After much crying and moaning and pulling out my hair, I took it to a highly recommended computer repair shop (no more Geek Squad for me, I did at least learn that lesson).
It’s never good when the very smart computer guy calls and starts the conversation with “I have some bad news”. The bad news was that my hard drive was toast. Gone. Dead. I am very lucky that I had pretty much everything backed up, thanks to the last time my computer died. But because I use this computer to work I couldn’t take the time to ship it off, which is what I would have to do to comply with the warranty. So, good-bye hard drive and good-bye hard earned cash necessary to replace it quickly. I will miss you, especially the money.
Seriously, why do computers hate me? What have I done to them?
On the other hand, two days without a working computer is really good for the soul.
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May
30
I didn’t really forget about my blog for the past week. It was always in the back of my mind, I just couldn’t get to it. School ended, the kids were exhausted and excited at the same time, we’ve been on a marathon baseball game streak trying to get all the makeup games done and we made a fast trip out of town.
Did I mention lying on the couch eating bon-bons? Nooo, because thats only in my dreams!
Do you ever get to that point where your brain says Nope, I can’t do even one more thing right now? My brain said that this past week, so I just had to let it go. Actually I let a lot of things go, like vacuuming and cooking, but I don’t miss those things like I have missed this little ole blog.
June is a busy month for us, both my kids have birthdays and Scout camp and science camp, you get the picture. Summer started out with a bang, so much for the nice relaxing week I imagined. I’m not a big planner in the summer, we seem to keep busy enough without me trying to throw in extra activities. There are some things I want to do with my kids and hopefully we’ll get them done.
Here is a brief but already chaotic outline of our summer:
- Birthday party planning is already in full swing. Last year I waited until mid-June to even think about birthdays, and by then we were too far gone with ball games and camps. I kept saying “as soon as sports/scouts/camps are done we’ll have the birthday party” but summer came and went with no party. When I say “party” I actually mean that they can invite one or two friends over and we’ll do something like a movie or ball game and of course have cake. As long as there is cake it’s a party, right? Last year Nolan asked for an actual party, a paintball party. I still feel bad for putting it off all year so I’ve already started planning it. There will be a party this year.
- Camps. Nolan does Scout camp - his first week long overnight camp. Get me the tissues now. Tanner does band camp. I loved going to church camp and girl scout camp growing up so I’m glad my kids like camp. It’s just the packing and getting ready that is hard. And the laundry afterward. And the week that they are actually away from me. Tissues!
- Summer reading. They used to do the library reading program but we haven’t done that in a few years. I decided to have our own little reading program. When they were younger we’d set aside 30 minutes a day and we’d all read in the living room. We’re doing that again but I’m picking books for them to read. Last year I picked To Kill a Mockingbird for my son, which is going to be hard to top. Send me book suggestions please!
- Community service. My oldest will be helping at our Vacation Bible School this year. He usually helps at his youth group by going an hour early and helping the youth director. When youth group ended for the summer he told me he wanted to keep helping at the church. I’m going to make some calls to find something for Nolan to do, I’m hoping he can help at a local animal shelter. This community service is one of the things I’m really excited about doing with the boys.
- Service begins at home. My kids have chores they do regularly, but in the summer it’s like I get my own personal cleaning crew. They clean, they mow, they do laundry and now they want to cook. My goal is to let them cook this summer, and more than just baking - although that is my favorite kind of cooking.
That’s about as much planning as I do for the summer. We haven’t really started any of those things yet, so far the boys are just thrilled to be sleeping a little later and hanging out with friends. That does sound pretty perfect, doesn’t it? 
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May
20
First, a quick note about why this blog is so, well, light lately. It’s the last week of school, so we’ve got Awards Assemblies and student/teacher scrimmages and 5th grade graduation parties and yearbook signing parties. It’s packed full of busyness and fun, so that’s where I’m at. As for the evenings, we have to make up all the baseball games we missed to due to rain in the past three weeks, so its nightly games for awhile. I had to miss a game the other night and of course that is the night my son got to pitch. I won’t be missing any more games if I can help it!
Just when I think I’ve got my kids all figured out, they throw me a curveball. They do something that leaves me sitting there with my mouth hanging open, speechless. And you can ask them, I’m hardly ever speechless. Tomorrow is my youngest sons 5th grade awards assembly. I had to call another mom in the class to find out the specific time, because my son insisted they never told him that. He kind of acted like he didn’t want me to come, you know the whole “meet me in the parking lot” syndrome like his big brother. This is where the surprise comes in.
Right before bedtime, he came into my office and asked if I was for sure coming to his assembly. I told him I for sure would be there. He reminded me that it will end right around noon and then he asked if I might have time to take him to lunch afterwards. I used to eat lunch with my kids in the school cafeteria all the time, but its been about two years since they’ve wanted me to do that. I was sitting there with my mouth hanging open, speechless, and Nolan said “If you have time, I’d like to go to Chik Fil A for lunch. With you mom.”
Be still my heart. Lunch with my boy. Possibly the best lunch date ever. Of course I have time for that. He was really asking me if I’d have time, he wasn’t sure if I would be able to. He doesn’t know that I could have had a very important meeting right at lunchtime but I would cancel it in a heartbeat for him. He definitely doesn’t know how happy it made me that he asked me. What a lovely surprise.
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May
19
I wanted to announce the winners of my Blogiversary giveaway. In addition to the Superhero necklace I gave away two bonus prizes. Here are the winners:
- Grand prize starburst pendant ~ Katherine
- Bonus prize $25 Target gift card ~ Cindy
- Bonus prize $25 Target gift card ~ Jenn Bo
Congratulations to the winners and thank you everyone who entered! I’m planning to have another giveaway very soon, so keep watching for that.
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May
18
When my son was little, he was all about family time. Whenever we said we were going to do anything, like go to the zoo, visit grandma or even play a board game, my little guy would ask “The whole family?” and his face would light up if I said yes, the whole family.
This same child is now 13 - or as he keeps reminding me, 14 in June - and he’s singing a different tune. Tonight is his spring band concert, and he begged me please do NOT roam the halls to find him after the concert, but go out to the parking lot and he will find us. My husband says that if we are embarrassing our teenager and causing him great mortification, then we are succeeding as parents. I think its safe to say we are a success at this parenting thing!
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May
16
Before we begin with SOOC Saturday, I have just two words to describe why I’ve been missing from this blog all week ~ stomach flu. Enough said. Now for the picture.
This guy was in our yard this morning. I’ve seen him before so I think he has a hidey hole somewhere in the yard. I’ve just never caught him standing still long enough to snap a picture before.
He’s off to get some breakfast. I just wanted to show you this one so you can see the mudhole that is my yard, after more than two weeks of solid rain. Or as the newspaper said, Violent Storms. Who made Mother Nature angry??
For more SOOC shots, visit Slurping Life.
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May
11
I knew this was true, because when I’m working so many things get neglected. I spent the morning sorting and organizing clothes and toys that haven’t been played with or even thought about in years, and then made a run to Goodwill. Decluttering feels so good, I may have to do some more tomorrow!
I hope all you moms had a wonderful Mothers Day. My family is not one for big celebrations, but my kids cleaned my house and made me a card, which was greatly appreciated. My husband actually surprised me because we came home after church and he told the kids to go inside, that we were going to run a quick errand. Then he took me to lunch! Just us adults! Can you tell we never very rarely do that kind of thing ~ usually only on our anniversary. The guys had it planned because while the two of us were at lunch the kids were cleaning, so I came home to a clean house. I can’t see how the day could have been any better.
Last night we got out old videos from when the boys were little. Some had been buried away and I had never seen them before, so I loved it. Where did those little boys go? More importantly, where did that young mama go, the one with no lines on her face or gray hair - I want her back!
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