Jun

20

The birds, the bees and me




I distinctly remember the talk my mom had with me about the “birds and the bees”.  It was brief, mostly about what would be happening to my body as I got closer to puberty, and then it was never mentioned again.  I was given a book, which was helpful, but that was it.  Ever since I became a mom I’ve been determind to do a better job tackling this subject with my own kids.

I have sons. I still wanted to have this great open dialogue with them, I just wasn’t sure they’d want that with mom. My oldest son set the stage by starting to ask, pretty insistently, where babies come from. We’d given him the basic explanation when he was small, babies are gifts from God. Well, it’s true, and it was an easy answer.

But at about the age of 9 he started asking more often, so when he was 10 we expanded on our explanation a little. Both my husband and I talked to him about boy parts and girl parts, and what the mom and dad actually do to get pregnant. He was very grossed out, covered his face with his pillow and said please stop talking about it. Which we were happy to do.

Then when he turned 11, his body started changing, and he had more questions. He chose to ask some of his questions at the dinner table, which embarrassed my husband a little but delighted me. I want to be the parent that the kids feel comfortable talking to, about anything. And I think I have to work a little harder to be that parent with sons, because they’re naturally more comfortable talking to their dad about guy stuff.

That began what has evolved into a really on going conversation about pretty much everything. When they studied anatomy in science, he came home and asked me questions about the stuff that happens to girls, which we hadn’t talked about yet.  I’ve made it clear that what he hears at school from his buddies won’t always be accurate, so I’d like him to ask me anytime he’s not sure about something.

I hope to always have this open conversation with both my sons, but I did turn to a book for help. A friend recommended Preparing Your Son for Every Man’s Battle. I read it first, then let my son read it. The author recommends reading at the same time as your child and discussing each section, but our way worked for us.  It’s divided into 2 sections, one for 11-12 year old boys and another section for older teens. We’ve only gone through the first section. 

That particular booked worked for us, it meshes with the values we’re trying to instill in our boys, especially how to treat girls. It’s not a biology book, I chose it because it’s a great way to jump start our ongoing conversation, and because it echoes our beliefs. I’m sure there are many other great resources for parents trying to get this particular conversation started.

I don’t think it matters which book you use, or if you use a book at all. Just talk to your kids. Start early, and when they stop asking you questions, then you ask them questions. No matter how uncomfortable or downright embarrassing, they need to know they can talk to you about anything.

 

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