Does it ever get easier?

My son is at camp again. This time it’s band camp, at the University of Arkansas. He was only home for a week in between camps. I hadn’t even started being annoyed with his preteen antics yet!

When he left for camp this time it was much harder than the first camp. Probably because at scout camp I knew all the kids going, knew all the adult leaders that were going, and he’d been there before. He’s going to band camp with several hundred other 7th and 8th graders, I only know a handful of those kids. I don’t personally know any of the adults that will there. So I really felt like I was handing one of my most precious gifts off to complete strangers for a week.

I spent the weekend before he left working myself into a frenzy of worry. I have enough sense to try to remain calm so that he doesn’t get anxious, but inside I was a wreck. What if he got separated from his buddies on campus, where he’s never been before? What if he didn’t get up in time and missed the bus? Or missed breakfast. Everything that could possibly go wrong, I thought of it.

What I really wanted was to go there with him, to see where he’s staying, get him acclimated, show him around. I remember when I first went off to college, I got my schedule and my map and walked the path from the dorm to my classes several times before the first day of class. I still got lost that first day and had to ask an upperclassmen where the heck am I. And I was 18 years old. Imagine what could happen to a 13 year old. Of course I told him all my stories, so he’d know what to expect. Especially the part about “there will be no one following you around, picking up your dirty clothes, making sure you get to practice on time”. You know, that whole thing about having to be responsible.

Dropping him off at the buses that would take him far far away from me was horrible. No self respecting teenager will tolerate a blubbering mama, so I tried to stay composed. But he didn’t even want us to stay there and wait with him til time to get on the bus! I had visions of waving while the caravan drove away, but no, he shooed us off the minute he found his friends. Of course by that time I was crying behind my sunglasses, so it was best that I made my exit then.

Then the child that I was so concerned about did not bother to call me for TWO WHOLE DAYS! You mean he wasn’t spending his time missing his family? He wasn’t constantly thinking about us?

Finally the phone rang and it was him. He told me he liked camp, but that he had his private music lesson and when he tried to find the way back to the dorm, he got lost. I immediately realized the gravity of the situation, he was scared and had called his mom. I slipped into Mom Management Mode and calmly told him that was ok, we would figure out what to do.

Then he said the two words that drive me insane:

Just joking!

Followed by hysterical laughter. I could have shot through that phone and strangled him. That was the phone call I’d been waiting for? Where was the “I miss you mom” and “I can’t wait to see you guys”?

I am glad he’s there, I loved camps as a child and would hate for my kids to miss out on that experience. But it’s hard to send them off. Out of choice and necessity, we are raising the boys to be pretty independent. Please don’t think I’m a bad mom when I admit that most mornings they get their own breakfast (gasp). On birthdays, I will make a special request breakfast. Otherwise they are on their own. They have many unpaid chores that they’re required to do, simply because they live here. They both have had alarms for years and get themselves up for school. So I’m not coddling them, I do want them to be able to take care of themselves. I just have a hard time with them being independent away from me.

I wish I could send them off with a wave and a smile, and rejoice at an entire week with 1 less child. But instead I fuss and worry, and count the minutes days til they return. At this rate, imagine what kind of medication I’ll need to be on when they leave for college.

Although we do have a very nice local college, only a few miles away….

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