Aug

11

Do as I say, not as I do




A friend and I took our kids to the local water park a few days ago. She has two boys the same age as mine, so they’re all good friends.

The older boys went their way and the younger two went a different way. Pretty soon the younger boys were back, saying that another boy, someone they didn’t know, had taken the ball they were playing with and wouldn’t give it back. My friend gave this other boy one of those “Mom Looks” and he quickly tossed the ball back to our kids. End of story, or so we thought.

The boys all came back for a snack, and we noticed that the boy who stole the ball was kind of following our younger kids. He sat close to us and watched the boys eat, and then when they got up to go play, he got up to follow. My friend and I again gave the “Mom Look” to let him know we were watching, and he headed off in a different direction. We both felt like he was itching for a fight, or at least a confrontation with our kids, who were smaller than him.

My oldest son came back then because he had a bloody nose; he gets those fairly often. He was lying there with a towel over his face when the stranger, the boy who took the ball, came over with a handful of paper towels he had gotten from the bathroom. He had been watching us and saw what was going on, so he grabbed some towels. Obviously, our first impression was way off; he wasn’t looking for a confrontation. We thanked him, and he surprised us again by sitting down with us.

We found out that his name was Tanner, the same as my oldest son, and he was eleven, the same age as my youngest. We also learned that his family, usually his papa, dropped him off at the water park every weekday, and he stayed there for at least six hours a day. By himself.  He then proceeded to talk to each of us, telling us about his school and his family and basically everything. For the rest of the afternoon he played with our kids, and they all got along great.

So, he was lonely. And bored, with no one to play with. I don’t want to pass judgment on the parents who dropped him off, clearly he was old enough to be there, and he was okay with it. But I will pass judgment on myself. For being so wrong about him and making a rash decision right off the bat, without giving him a chance. Sure, he took our kids’ ball. But he is eleven, and while we can say he should have just asked them if could play, probably grabbing the ball seemed like the easier choice to him. He just wanted to play.

I am constantly telling my kids, do not judge until you have walked a day in that person’s shoes. I tell my boys to think of how other people will feel before they say or do something, and I try very hard to live that way myself. But in that particular situation, I didn’t. I decided the child was a bully almost immediately.

This is a tough lesson to teach, and as I proved, a tough one to live. It is so easy to make those quick judgments, without much thought at all. I am particularly sensitive to this, because as someone who is quiet and by nature an introvert, I realize that I may seem rude to people who don’t know that about me. I’m not intentionally rude, ever, but I am quiet and if given the choice will choose to stay by myself rather than seek out someone else.  I don’t think quiet and introverted are bad characteristics, but I don’t want people to think I’m unfriendly, so I work hard at overcoming this. Especially when meeting people for the first time. 

Despite the fact that I recognize how people might judge me and despite the fact that I work hard to make sure my children aren’t judgmental of others, I still did it that day at the water park. Which only proves that some lessons are never fully mastered, but instead take years and years of continual practice.

Even then, we may never get it right.

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    Filed Under Me, confessions | 11 Comments 

    11 Responses to “Do as I say, not as I do”

      1
        mary on August 12th, 2008 7:43 am

        I loved reading this. At first, I absolutely thought that boy was a bully; now, I see that he’s just a lonely kid looking for some company. And I feel really sad for him. Left alone at a public park for 6 hours a day?

        Just Kirtsy-ed this!

      2
        Sheri on August 12th, 2008 8:50 am

        I felt sad for him too, and so did my kids when they realized that he was there by himself. He mentioned that he had been there every day since July 15th. People do what they have to do, but I still felt bad for him.

        Thanks for the kirtsy!

      3
        Annie on August 12th, 2008 11:39 am

        I serious lesson for all of us – thanks for sharing.

      4
        Patti on August 12th, 2008 12:09 pm

        Great story. Many times kids that appear to be bullies are kids just looking for or needing attention.

      5
        Jenny, bloggess on August 12th, 2008 3:23 pm

        A perfect lesson…one I’m still learning myself.

      6
        Queen of the Click on August 12th, 2008 4:00 pm

        At first, I thought that this story was going to end with a fight. Then when I read on, I was touched by the story.

        It’s a good to remind us all not to judge. I loved reading it.

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        Karen R on August 14th, 2008 9:42 pm

        I loved your story. He was lucky to have spent time with you and your boys.

      9
        coriema on August 15th, 2008 4:43 pm

        A very good lesson for all. Never judge a person, first impression is always the physical outlook, one must be able to talk or even know something about the other person before they will be judged. Your story is an eye opener to all especially that in reality there are people who are judgmental. Thank you for sharing.

      10
        Cathy McMichael on August 19th, 2008 5:49 pm

        That was a great story. And it probably made quite an impression on your kids that his life was not the same as theirs. At times, my son feels a little “over-loved”. He however says we are too protective, etc.

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