I always try to give the teacher the benefit of the doubt, because I haven’t walked in their shoes. I’m sure a classroom full of 7th graders is intimidating to a new or younger teacher, maybe to any teacher, and I know she has to establish control from the second they walk in her classroom. I just felt there should have been a better way. It seemed like she escalated the whole thing to a higher level than was warranted.

I want this to work itself out, I want him to just know that he has to be on his best behavior for her and to just do it. But I’m also going to be paying attention. I know my son, and because of his self esteem issues and just his personality, too much badgering will break his desire to do well in her class. He’ll just quit trying, and I don’t want to see that happen. I’m definitely saving all correspondence with her, and keeping some notes so I remember what he has told me.

I would have preferred to call her, or go in, but in our district they’ve made it clear, they all prefer emails. And really I was able to write a much calmer email than what I was feeling. If I had seen her face to face I might have come across as angry, and confrontive, and that probably wouldn’t have helped.

I just hope it all simmers down now.

Thanks again.

First, you did the right thing in e-mailing the teacher. If the teacher’s response doesn’t seem to ease your mind about the situation, e-mail her back and ask to make an appointment to meet with her.

Meeting with the teacher in person will allow you to get a feel for her and she for you. She will see that you are backing her and support her classroom management procedures. She will learn that asking a child to sit on the floor and threatening to remove him from the honors class doesn’t work well for you.

Although this young teacher may look confident, she’s probably more scared/nervous than you know. She wants to makes sure she has established herself in the classroom with these children, but probably doesn’t realize she came on too strong.

You’re right going to the principal before dealing with the teacher isn’t that good. A face to face meeting with the teacher should smooth things over. I’m sure everything will be settled shortly. Good Luck!

I hope things go better, but if you need to interact with school folks again, I’d recommend going for a face-to-face talk. Good luck!

Second, almost all middle school kids struggle with self-esteem issues, even if it seems like they don’t. Teachers are very important in their lives in that they can boost or damage that self-esteem with a wrong word or look. That’s not to say that the child will be irreparably damaged” but kids that age take things to heart. Surely this teacher knows that, and if not, she needs to learn it now.

My advice is give the teacher the benefit of the doubt at the beginning. Speak to her in person, though, or on the phone. Email doesn’t always give us an idea of a person’s tone. Maybe she’s the kind who jokes, and your son and his friends took it the wrong way because they don’t know her well enough yet. Maybe not. Your son’s time in her class will be much easier if you don’t attack (which you didn’t). Just ask her point blank, at least over the phone, to tell you what happened. If she doesn’t mention the “swat,” ask her. She needs to know that it’s not appropriate, and if she’s young, better for her to learn now than later.

Side note for Angela – YES, kids misbehave on the 2nd day of school, and yes, sometimes enough to warrant a real consequence. They often misbehave on the FIRST day of school. Things have changed so much since I started teaching. It really is different now than it was even ten years ago.

I would absolutely talk to the teacher before ever contacting the principal. The principal wasn’t there when it happened, and if she’s a new teacher, the principal won’t know a lot about her personally, either. Besides, once we contact the principal, it makes us appear over-zealous. And at this age, sometimes it’s best to let your son handle things in his way first. I would only contact the principal if the teacher doesn’t address your concerns adequately and if there is another incident.

I hate to sound like a know-it-all, but I’ve been on both sides of this fence, so I hope I’ve said something helpful.

Good Luck and hope the school year improves for your son and your family!
Janis

But I know from the previous situation we had in 1st grade, it completely affected his view of school, like Angela said. He hated going, he cried every night and every morning, and it was all because of the teacher. Looking back, I should have said something. It took a long time before he liked school and actually wanted to go after that year. So I don’t want it to get to that point now.

She did respond to my email, but it was basically just to thank me for contacting her. All she said was that she talked to him and she doesn’t think there will be “any more problems”. I’m still confused because I don’t think there was a problem in the first place, but I’m glad she knows that he did tell us and we are paying attention to what’s going on.

I’m going to go through all the papework they give us, I know there is a set discipline procedure that they follow and it involves detention, in school suspension, things like that. I’m interested to see if swatting is on the list of standard procedures.

Thank you for all your responses and advice, I really needed to get some other perspectives on this because I always second guess myself. This just really caught me offguard.

That said, I cannot imagine that ANY child could have done anything on the 2nd day of school that would have merited that response. I think that contacting the teacher was the right thing to do, and I agree with Pamk that I would have asked her to give me her side of the story.

I, personally, would also contact the office and find out the policy on swatting and the procedure for it. But if your son is being honest with you, and it sounds like he is, then he did nothing at all wrong. As long as he is telling the truth, you definitely need to back him up on this. And I don’t know how big your school system is, but if there truly is a personality conflict between the teach and your son that will effect his quality of education, they may be able to rearrange his schedule and get him into a different Honors English class with a different teacher.

I agree with you that there will always be people in our life that we have to work for (teacher or boss) that we don’t get along with and that it is good for the children to understand this. At the same time, if he is not a trouble maker (and again, it sounds like he is not) then making him suffer through an excruciating year that could potentially change his feelings about school. Maybe that sounds like I am over-reacting, and I may be, but I worked in a middle school environment for several years and I know that it is a terribly important time for the kids and the development of their self-esteem. Spending a semester with a teacher that may end up belittle me would not endear me to school.

Not a child psychologist or anything, just another mom. Hope this helps a little.