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Sep
30
I read a great post on Blogher about teaching kids financial responsibility, by Shannon from Rocks in my Dryer. I agree with everything she said, it is really hard these days to raise kids while surrounded by a constant barrage of media telling them what they have to wear, own, or be. And it all costs money.
We started teaching our boys about money when they were very young, but it wasn’t because of any great plan. It was out of necessity. We were young, I was trying to work part time and we knew we didn’t have any extra money to buy them things. So when I had to go to Walmart, we simply avoided the toy aisle. For years my kids didn’t even know there was such a thing. By avoiding the temptation, I never had to say no or deal with the inevitable meltdown.
That worked great when my kids were small, just avoid it completely. But it’s much harder now that they are older. They’ve known for awhile now that they just do not have as much stuff as other kids they know. I’ve never wanted them to have TV’s in their bedrooms, or electronic games. So we just didn’t do it. Were they happy about that? No, but I think since we started out that way, by not buying them stuff except for birthdays and Christmas, they were more accepting.
Have they thrown fits for things, of course. Have they cried that we are the meanest parents ever? Oh yes. For the most part, we haven’t budged. I really don’t believe that kids need every new gadget the second it’s in the store. Wait for it, earn it. Usually by the time they’ve earned the money for the latest new thing, they realize they don’t really want it.
Now that they are bigger, they have jobs. My husband takes them out and they mow lawns for several elderly people in our neighborhood. My husband is doing this for them, to teach them about working, about keeping your commitments even when you’d rather not, to teach them about money. They only have 3 yards, and my husband helps, but it’s still work. Work that pays well. They are required to save a portion, and the rest they can spend.
Not surprisingly, the first time they got paid they blew it all at the dollar store. They ate their candy and played with the little plastic stuff their hard earned money got them. Then I asked them, was that candy and stuff worth the 2 hours of work it took to get it? I explained that if they had saved that money, even for just one more week, they could’ve earned enough to get something really cool.
They’ve learned well. This past summer was the 2nd summer they’ve done this. The first summer, they combined their money and bought a Wii. Because, you guessed it, we wouldn’t. They not only love that Wii, but they are so proud of the fact that they worked for it. I’m proud of them too.
I’ve also used their mowing to explain some basic differences in jobs. They may not love mowing yards, but they can work 2 hours and earn more than the kid flipping burgers will earn all day. They may not always want to spend their Saturday morning working, but they are able to buy games for their Wii that we wouldn’t buy for them. This summer they used part of their earnings to buy iPods, again something we wouldn’t buy.
I won’t name any names, to protect the innocent, but one of our sons is a saver. He is saving for a car, even though it will be years before we’re talking about cars. He diligently takes his earnings to the bank. He spends very little of it, and gives each purchase much thought.
Then we have another son who is not so much a saver, but more of a spender. He would like to only mow yards when he has a specific want, something he wants to buy and needs money for. Otherwise, he’d be glad to let his brother do it all. This is where “learning to keep your commitments” comes into play. He also has much less saved than his brother. But he has now decided that he does have something in mind that he wants, something expensive, so now he wants to get busy. Now that mowing season is almost over. We explained, this is the purpose of saving, so you have it when you “need” it. Not that he needs it, but he thinks he does. He will have to wait for it.
That son often grumbles and groans about mowing, even though he’s told me that it’s not hard. But whenever either of them tells their friends about their little mowing gig, their friends are jealous. It’s time consuming, and many men don’t have the time or the desire to to do this. So I hope my sons will someday realize the gift they’ve been given. It’s just never too early to teach them to save, and to spend responsibly.
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Sep
29
We are back from our little weekend getaway. It seems that when we travel with the kids we always come home more tired than when we left, but it’s a good kind of tired. Not a “I’ve been scrubbing the floors all day” kind of tired, but just worn out from good old fashioned fun.
My husband’s conference was in Branson, Missouri. We had a bit of a drive to get there but my sons and I met him there Friday. We’ve been before, so this time we decided we didn’t want to do the big amusement park. We just wanted to soak up the outdoors, maybe do a museum, and swim in the hotel pool. It was nice and relaxing.
The closer we got to Branson the more beautiful the scenery was. I was trying to drive and look around, telling my kids to look too. All my teenager had to say, as we were driving through the gorgeous hills, was “I’m not getting a signal, I’m missing my text messages!”. Oh puleeze!
My husband and sons canoeing on the lake, very early in the morning. This was worth it to miss a little sleep.
Nolan enjoying the pool.
This was a lovely scenic nature trail by our hotel. We are a nature trail kind of family, always seeking them out. Nolan and my husband always take off, breakneck speed, trying to beat each other to the finish. I don’t think that’s the purpose of a nature trail, so Tanner and I mosey along at our own speed, talking and taking pictures.
I’m not a skilled photographer, obviously, but I’m proud of this little flower picture. I’d been messing around with my camera all along that nature trail, and this is one of the pictures I really love.
My favorite moments from trips like this come from the stolen moments, like on the nature walk when Tanner felt comfortable enough to really talk to me about school, or when he proudly took me out on the lake and showed me the canoeing skills he learned at Boy Scout camp, or getting one of those great, tight, little boy hugs from Nolan, just because he was so happy to be there. Those moments don’t happen too often in the hustle of daily life. So I cherish them when they do come along.
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Sep
28
An Island Review is giving away one Texas Instruments TI-Nspire Graphing Calculator. Enter by midnight October 3.
Shopping Gems is giving 10 lucky winners a free month ofNetflix DVD rentals. Enter by October 4.
Robyn at Robyn’s Online World is giving away $25 Amazon.com gift card. Enter by Friday October 10.
Chefdruck Musings is giving away an iCarly season 1 DVD. Enter by October 4.
At Bloggy Giveaways you can enter to win Supernatural Botanicals spa bars. Hurry and enter this one by September 29.
I know that’s a short list, but the weekend is almost over! Just a heads up, I’ll will be hosting a new giveaway of my own this week, to celebrate my 100th post. (Which was last week, but haven’t you learned by now that I’m running just a little behind on pretty much everything??!) So check back for that.
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Sep
26
My husband had to go out of town. For a work conference. At a swanky hotel. In a beautiful city. With no children or wife. I feel so sorry for him.
Ok, maybe I am just a tiny bit jealous. Possibly a lot jealous. There are no out of town, all expenses paid, swanky hotel seminars for stay at home moms. And I really think there should be. Who can I write about that??
I’m actually glad he got to go. It’s been a long hectic summer, and I sometimes get so wrapped up in my own chaos that I forget, he has a very stressful and demanding job, along with being the worlds most involved dad. (Maybe not the worlds most involved, but he’s got to be pretty close to the top of that list.) So he deserves to get away for a couple of days.
But when he’s gone, our little world just isn’t right. I’ve been snapping at the kids, they’ve been snapping at me, everybody went to bed angry tonight. I’m not used to doing it all by myself. When there’s no dad coming home at 5:30 then we really have nothing to look forward to at the end of the day when we’re all grouchy with each other. And believe me, by 5:30, we are all grouchy.
My husband has his faults, I’ll be the first to tell anyone. But he is very good at certain things that I, well, am not good at. If one of my kids is following me around the house as I try to get things done, it usually means that they want to talk. Just visit. Do I stop what I’m doing, and visit? Not usually. I keep going at breakneck speed, nodding as I go. I am listening, I do hear them, but I know good and well that I’m not giving them the attention they are seeking.
My husband will stop what he’s doing pretty much every single time, and just listen. He gives them his full attention. He’s great with them that way. He will play with them even if it means something doesn’ t get done. That can be so infuriating, because then I feel like I’m the worker parent and he’s the fun one. But really, he’s giving our children a great gift. While I am trying to clean the house.
So this time I am trying to do better. I’m trying to not just listen, but to pay attention. My day today was cram packed with stuff I needed to get done. I didn’t get it all done. Didn’t even try. Because there were somethings my youngest had been asking to do for at least a week now, and I’d been putting him off. Today I just took the time to do what he wanted. He said thank you probably 10 times, he was so happy. Now that’s a gift, for me. How easy it was to make him happy. He just wanted me.
I’ll have to keep working at this, cause it’s not my nature to slow it down, take a breath and just be. But i want to do better, so I’ll keep trying.
And, because my husband knows just how much moms need a break now and then too, my sons and I are joining him for our own little weekend getaway tomorrow! Sometimes wishes do come true.
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Sep
24
I read a great post at one plus two about how wonderful it is to get some time away from your kids, to get to be a grownup again.
My husband and I moved 3 hours away from our families when my boys were 2 and 4. Before that we had a pretty willing supply of babysitters, grandmas and aunts are great for that. But once we moved, the good times ended. We didn’t know anyone, so our date nights were limited to maybe a once a year date when we had family in town to visit and could sneak out of the house for an hour.
My husband is a creature of habit, so after we’d lived here awhile and did know some people that could babysit, he never really wanted to. He loves having the boys around, loves doing more family activities, and because the boys never got used to having a sitter, they weren’t very happy to be left. So we just didn’t.
I love having my kids around too, but I need that grownup time. For me it’s a must, so I took my share of “girls night out” with friends. But I still missed nights out with my husband.
Now that the boys are getting older and have more social activities of their own, we do get to have a rare date once in awhile. But there’s been an exciting change in our schedules this year. Finally, both boys have Wednesday night youth group, at the same time! A built in date night! Even Mr. Homebody can’t argue with this.
I’m off to plan a years worth of Wednesday night dates, we’ve got a lot of time to make up for!
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Sep
23
We’ve started a new tradition in my house. Family Movie Night. We try to do it every Saturday if the boys don’t have some scout or sports activity.
It started kind of slowly, because I was picking the movies. Apparently teenager and preteen boys don’t really want to see academy award winning movies with great social justice themes. Whatever. So I let my husband pick, and movie night has been much more popular ever since.
My husband does need some guidance in the movie picking area though, so I am there to approve. Meaning, I check the ratings. I’m always surprised at movies my son says his friends have seen. I’m pretty conservative with what I let them watch. A little violence is ok, but some things are completely unacceptable.
My youngest son has figured out my ratings requirements. Since he is such a helper, he decided to check the ratings himself and pass that information along to me. So when we’re in the movie store, this is what the other customers hear:
Mom, this one looks good. Oh, nope, it has SEXUAL CONTENT.
Mom, what’s SEXUAL CONTENT mean anyway? How old do I have to be for that?
Here’s one, but it has PARTIAL NUDITY. Does that mean half naked?
Whoa! Here’s one with FULL NUDITY Mom!!! I know we can’t see that. Can we?
Yes, he’s very helpful to YELL that rating information to me across the store aisles. Much appreciated. And probably very helpful to the other shoppers. You can never have too much information. And then the other shoppers get to see me crumpled in a fit of giggles at the sound of my little guys voice saying SEXUAL CONTENT. I can’t help it.
I know, it’s hard to believe that just picking out a movie can be that much fun.
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Sep
22
I read a great post by Christine Kane, How to Stop A Recession in its Tracks. This really touched a nerve for me, not just because of the economy, but on a much larger scale.
I used to sometimes always let my worries and concerns take over my thoughts, until I was a bundle of anxious nerves, afraid to make a move. Because I’d already decided that the worst will happen. And you know what, I was usually right!
I started reading Christine’s blog several months ago, and I was also reading Norman Vincent Peale’s The Power of Positive Thinking. I’m not kidding when I tell you, her post about setting powerful intentions, and that book made a profound change in my attitude and in how I think. It took awhile, actually a long time, but through much practice I was able to change my “glass is half empty” mindset.
I know it sounds hokey, but for me, it’s worked wonders. I would let my worry about anything consume me, and it affected my relationship with my sons, with my husband, everything. I was a ball of gloom and doom,and that’s hard for anyone to be around. It took some work,and practice, to wake up each day and be certain that it would be a good day, but I got there.
My oldest son, who is so much like me we could be clones, noticed the change in me right away. He asked me what was going on, why did I seem so much more peaceful. As usual, he nailed it. Not allowing worry to consume me allowed me to be at peace.
And peace is a much nicer place to be than curled up in the floor in fetal position.
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Sep
21
Robyn’s Online World is giving one lucky winner their choice of 2 Keepsake Journals from Sand Dune Publishing. Enter by 11:59pm on September 26.
An Island Life is giving away Avatar The Last Airbender: The Complete Book 3 Collection right here! It also includes an exclusive bonus disc which includes a Four-part Audio Commentary by the Creators, The Women of Avatar: The Last Airbender, Book 3 Final Pencil Test Animation, and Into the Fire Nation at San Diego Comic-Con. My sons love this series, it’s actually one cartoon that I enjoy watching with them. Enter by midnight September 26.
At An Ordinary Life you can enter to winThe Godfather – The Coppola Restoration Giftset DVD, which includes all 4 Godfather DVDs. Enter by September 30.
Janet at Grammy Janet’s Place is giving away 1 copy of Let’s Get Ready for Kindergarten and 1 copy of Let’s Get Ready for First Grade. Enter by October 4.
Wendy at Shopping Gems is giving away a $25 gift certificate to American Folder. Enter by September 27.
You still have time to enter at Joy of Desserts to win a copy of The Flavor Bible. Hurry, enter by midnight tonight, September 21.
Scribbit is giving away Plaja Pets, which are just the cutest plush toys. This is another one you need to enter by midnight tonight September 21.
Unexpected Bliss Winners
I have winners to announce in my own giveaway, the Unexpected Bliss Breezyrain soaps giveaway.
I used random.org to select the winners. There are 5 winners, here are the winning numbers:
Here are your random numbers:
63 2 62 59 55
Congratulations to Michele P, Elizabeth, Debby, Karen R and Francis P. Look for an email from me shortly to get your mailing information. Thank you to everyone who entered.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
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Sep
18
My sons are 24 months apart. So right when we hit the terrible twos, here came baby. It was crazy, really crazy. We were young, trying to figure out what the heck we were doing and how we were going to make it all work, all the while trying to stay sane. The great thing is, we survived, and I even have fond memories of that time.
I remember being totally worn out, with a very active toddler who was not at all pleased to have someone else getting mommy’s attention. Someone who seemed to either be eating or crying all the time. And the baby was eating all the time, so there was very little sleeping going on. One of my husbands aunts came to visit, and she saw right away that I was on the edge of exhaustion. She very gently told me that as hard as it seemed right at that moment, as impossible as it seemed, it would pass by in a heartbeat, and soon I’d be able to laugh about it. And she was right. It passed quickly, I resumed sleeping, and that made a huge improvement in my sanity.
Through all the trials of infant, toddler, child, I tried to remember and hold onto her advice. Whatever stage we’re going through, it will pass. But despite going through all of it, and being able to look back and smile, sometimes even laugh, I have to say one thing.
13 is kicking my butt.
Give me a toddler and an infant anytime, I’ll take them. But 13 is hard, and while small children can be physically and mentally exhausting, teenagers will leave you emotionally spent every single day. Emotionally drained and knowing tomorrow most likely will not be better, not yet.
I took my son to his piano lesson today. He’s been taking lessons for years, at his request. But he’s been slacking off with practice, for a couple of months now. His teacher called me out today, and her first words to me were “I think we’re losing Tanner”. Now I know what she meant, she meant that he’s losing interest in piano. But because of what is on my heart and how we’re struggling with him, I took it with a much deeper meaning. I felt my eyes fill up with tears, which took her by surprise.
She talked a bit more, about how we should deal with this, and when he joined the conversation I had a full blown break down. I couldn’t hold back the tears. I’m not like that, it’s very hard for me to show emotion that way, so it surprised even me. I had no idea the tears were right there, right under the surface. I had no idea that I’ve been so worried about him, so afraid of losing him myself, that I would fall apart like that.
My son was taken aback too, very much so. He spoke softly and gently to me, asking if I was ok, patting my shoulder on the drive home. I got it together enough to talk to him about why I was crying. I told him that he has so many gifts, so many talents, yet he takes things that happen at school, mean things that other kids say, and makes them his reality, his truth. He believes the hateful words, he feels worthless and ugly. Because of that, he’s wasting his gifts, wasting his talents. I told him it makes me sad to see this happening, because I know him. I know he’s kind, and funny, and creative, and bright. I just wish he knew it.
I think he heard me, I think he was paying attention. I’ve learned enough to know that our talk isn’t going to make things better overnight. But I hope he took it to heart.
I’m trying desperately to hold onto those words I heard years ago, that this will pass. And that we’ll be ok. It’s way too early in this game for me to be able to laugh or smile or joke about this though. Because I’m pretty sure that 13 isn’t finished kicking my butt.
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Sep
16
I have a brother. We fought like cats and dogs. I kind of understand that, sisters fighting with their brothers. I had nothing in common with the little brat. (Just kidding mom!)
That’s a picture of my sons from years ago, when they were best buddies. Where did my sweet little guys go? I know deep down they do still like each other. When one is gone for any length of time, the other one misses his brother terribly, and is so happy to have him home. But when they’re together, it’s horrible. The constant bickering is one thing, that’s been going on for so long I’m almost used to it. But it’s taken on a new, ugly life of its own now that my oldest is in junior high. Cause that’s where you learn all the really great insults, and who better to use them on than your younger brother. Of course.
It’s infuriating, but also sad. My youngest son looks up to his older brother, and at least for right now, desperately wants his brother to like him, to think he’s cool. I’ve tried explaining to Nolan that, first of all, you can’t take anything his brother says seriously. He’s in the midst of major hormonal mood swings,and can’t be held accountable for anything that comes out of his mouth.
Ok, you know I don’t mean that, he is held accountable for the things he says. But it’s kind of funny when he’s having a teenage “moment”, where he hates us all, and he’ll suddenly look at all of us and say “I’m having a mood swing, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I didn’t mean that”. He gets frustrated too, not sure half the time why he’s even angry or annoyed with us. You just have to laugh sometimes.
I’ve tried to explain that to Nolan, that his brother does like him, does think he’s fun and cool, he just can’t/won’t/doesn’t act like it 99% of the time. There are rare, sweet moments when Tanner will tell me, Nolan is such a cool kid. Unfortunately, those comments don’ t happen when Nolan is actually around to hear it. So he feels left out, like he and his brother were walking together and now suddenly Tanner is on a completely different path. Which he is.
I could tell you that we’re very strict parents, with very strict rules about fighting. And really, that is true. It’s not allowed, not physical fighting and not hateful words. But they still fight. I’m not with them every second of the day, so they fight. I believe they need to learn to work it out themselves, but I also get very sad when I see my youngest sons eyes fill up with tears at the latest insult his brother has hurled at him. Especially when that insult involves the word “little”. When you want so much to be just like your big brother, there is no greater insult than to be called little, or babyish. Big brother knows just how deep those words cut, and he won’t hesitate to use them.
They do have their moments, they will hang out together, and it won’t always end with doors being slammed or yelling. I tell Nolan to cherish those times, like I do. Life is always changing, and we have to change with it. But it’s still hard, very hard, to be the youngest.
How do you deal with the fighting and bickering? Or, if you don’t have that problem at your house, first, could I come live with you, and second, how is that possible? Please tell me your secret. We could use a little more brotherly love at our house.
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My boys
Where did those little guys go?Cuteness overload
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