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Sep
16
I have a brother. We fought like cats and dogs. I kind of understand that, sisters fighting with their brothers. I had nothing in common with the little brat. (Just kidding mom!)
That’s a picture of my sons from years ago, when they were best buddies. Where did my sweet little guys go? I know deep down they do still like each other. When one is gone for any length of time, the other one misses his brother terribly, and is so happy to have him home. But when they’re together, it’s horrible. The constant bickering is one thing, that’s been going on for so long I’m almost used to it. But it’s taken on a new, ugly life of its own now that my oldest is in junior high. Cause that’s where you learn all the really great insults, and who better to use them on than your younger brother. Of course.
It’s infuriating, but also sad. My youngest son looks up to his older brother, and at least for right now, desperately wants his brother to like him, to think he’s cool. I’ve tried explaining to Nolan that, first of all, you can’t take anything his brother says seriously. He’s in the midst of major hormonal mood swings,and can’t be held accountable for anything that comes out of his mouth.
Ok, you know I don’t mean that, he is held accountable for the things he says. But it’s kind of funny when he’s having a teenage “moment”, where he hates us all, and he’ll suddenly look at all of us and say “I’m having a mood swing, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I didn’t mean that”. He gets frustrated too, not sure half the time why he’s even angry or annoyed with us. You just have to laugh sometimes.
I’ve tried to explain that to Nolan, that his brother does like him, does think he’s fun and cool, he just can’t/won’t/doesn’t act like it 99% of the time. There are rare, sweet moments when Tanner will tell me, Nolan is such a cool kid. Unfortunately, those comments don’ t happen when Nolan is actually around to hear it. So he feels left out, like he and his brother were walking together and now suddenly Tanner is on a completely different path. Which he is.
I could tell you that we’re very strict parents, with very strict rules about fighting. And really, that is true. It’s not allowed, not physical fighting and not hateful words. But they still fight. I’m not with them every second of the day, so they fight. I believe they need to learn to work it out themselves, but I also get very sad when I see my youngest sons eyes fill up with tears at the latest insult his brother has hurled at him. Especially when that insult involves the word “little”. When you want so much to be just like your big brother, there is no greater insult than to be called little, or babyish. Big brother knows just how deep those words cut, and he won’t hesitate to use them.
They do have their moments, they will hang out together, and it won’t always end with doors being slammed or yelling. I tell Nolan to cherish those times, like I do. Life is always changing, and we have to change with it. But it’s still hard, very hard, to be the youngest.
How do you deal with the fighting and bickering? Or, if you don’t have that problem at your house, first, could I come live with you, and second, how is that possible? Please tell me your secret. We could use a little more brotherly love at our house.
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5 Responses to “Brotherly love”
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My boys
Where did those little guys go?Cuteness overload
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MzMelanie on September 17th, 2008 1:51 pm
This makes me fear having a second. When I see siblings picking on each other out in public I look at my little Mr and I don’t wanna have another. BUT then I know that he could be lonley if he were an only child….ugh hard decision. I hope it works out. I’m sure it will. Keep up the blogging so readers can see the outcome
Sheri on September 17th, 2008 5:27 pm
Don’t let the bickering stop you. I fought with my brother and my husband fought with his sisters and brother, it’s all normal.
And those moments when they’re kind and loving to each other, that makes it all worthwhile.
Lisa C. on September 18th, 2008 7:48 am
Don’t be discouraged. I hated I mean hated my siblings… Now as an adult I think it must have been feelin glike they took my place with mom and dad (being the eldest). My brother and I are only 13 months apart and became best friends in high school.. but my sister, we’re 4 years apart and it took till she was 18 and we were both living on our own to really learn to be friends. Now as adults she exclaims how much it hurt her, and I try to explain that I didn’t understand as a child she just looked up to me, to me it seemed like a little brat copying me… (we’re in therapy, just kidding!! thought i’d bring in some humor).. It’ll be fine, before you know it, they’ll be best pals and can’t live without one another!!!
Stephanie on September 19th, 2008 12:00 am
Try this, next time they fight. Have them stand about 10 feet apart. The one who started the fight (if you can remember – otherwise just pick one) and tell him to say something nice about his brother.
Then he takes a step forward.
Then son #2 has to say something nice about HIS brother. And then HE takes a step forward.
When they get together in the middle, have them hug.
By this time, the anger is diffused, and they got to hear something nice about themselves.
To add variation, make them sing the compliment ;o)
Sometimes, it can be something just like “I admire how you take care of your comic books” — it’s interesting some of the things kids can come up with.
giggles can come too…
“You ride your bike in a straight line”
“You don’t eat your boogers”
good luck!
-S
Sheri on September 19th, 2008 8:08 am
Stephanie, my inlaws would do something like that with my husband and his brother. They’d have to sit facing each other and not laugh, which of course they couldn’t do.
Once in awhile I will wait til they’ve calmed down a bit then have them apologize and hug each other. The very thought of that causes them to crack up.