Subscribe to my blog via email
-
-
Nov
25
My son missed 2 days of school last week. If you have a kid in junior high, you know that missing two days means a huge amount of homework to catch up on. He worked all day yesterday on several projects that he wanted to get done early, so he’d have some time to get the makeup homework done before Thanksgiving break.
You should know something about my parenting style, specifically, how I view homework. My view is, it’s not my homework. It’s not my math project, science experiment or book report. I did all my homework, way too many years ago. I refuse to do it now. I take an extremely laid back approach when it comes to my kids schoolwork. They’re expected to study without being reminded. They’re expected to get big projects done without being reminded or helped. In fact, most of the time I don’t even know they’ve got a test or a project until I see the final grade. I just stay out of it.
The best part of my attitude is that I have 2 boys who know they are completely responsible for their schoolwork, and their grades, and they take pride in that.
The worst part, and there is a worst part, is that for years I’ve watched my kids work very hard on projects and proudly carry them into school, only to come out disappointed because somebody’s parent made an awesome unbelievably perfect project for their kid.
One year my son made a volcano out of sculpey clay. This was right up his alley, he loves sculpey clay and a volcano, well, how cool. He drew a diagram and planned and formulated the best volcano. Even though it looked more like a large rock when he was done, he was proud, and excited to show it off.
Parents were invited to come for the volcano demonstrations. I was a little dejected myself to see row after row of perfectly shaped volcanoes, but no big deal. The kids each got to make theirs “explode” which was of course the best part. Imagine the oohs and ahhs as one little girl began her presentation and out of nowhere appeared smoke.
Well, not really out of nowhere. It was her mom with a fog machine. Fog. Machine. Did I mention these kids were in 2nd grade? Needless to say, my son wasn’t happy with his volcano after that, because there was no smoke.
We’ve grown up a bit since 2nd grade, and my kids understand now that it’s better to do your own work, and be proud of your own work, than to have your parents do it. I know it’s hard for them, but I keep telling myself that as they get older that will happen less and less.
Which is why I was a little surprised when I dropped my son off this morning with his math project. They had to design a board game. My son is an artist at heart, and he went to the craft department at Walmart and got pipe cleaners, markers, glitter, paint and toys for his game board. It was colorful and busy and messy, and kind of eccentric. Like him. Not messy in that he slopped it together. No, he worked on it meticulously, and spent hours redoing what he didn’t think was right. It was messy because that was his vision. He worked hard on it and he loved it. But it was very different from the very precise, professional looking boards I saw other kids carrying in.
I’m not saying that those kids didn’t make their boards. I hope they did. But if I had tried to help my son with his project, I may have held back his interpretation of his game. Because I don’t have an artists eye and I don’t see things the way he does. That’s another reason I don’t help them, because I want their work to reflect their vision, not what I think the project should be.
If I had helped him, his board would have ended up looking like the game boards I saw other kids with. Precise. Neat. Every little square perfect. And nothing like my son.
New
here? Subscribe to Unexpected Bliss or have it delivered via email.
6 Responses to “Have you finished your homework”
Leave a Reply
Katherine owlfan on November 25th, 2008 8:06 am
I wish I had kids who would want to get work done early! Instead mine seem to want to wait until the last minute, which I dislike.
I try to keep out of homework, other than reminding, though I am always willing to try to explain something (even if a certain 12 yo will almost always tell me that I am wrong – which I am not). I don’t tend to know about tests, but the projects are pretty obvious. I got thanked on the science fair project acknowledgements page for “nagging to get the project done”. Other than buying/finding supplies that was about my level of participation.
I’ll agree that it is very discouraging to see all the parental projects out there, but I have been assured by the teachers that they appreciate the student projects, even though they may not look as nice and orderly.
Zen Mama Wannabe on November 25th, 2008 7:08 pm
My husband spent one evening at Kinko’s (doing HIS own work – getting a presentation ready) and was shocked to see all the parents busy copying and fixing up these project boards while the KIDS sat in chairs against the wall with their cell phones and iPods! He couldn’t help thinking, “This is what it has come to?!”
I think it’s GREAT your kids take on the responsibility of doing their own work. You are teaching them valuable lessons (like you said, your vision isn’t necessarily his vision and after all, it is HIS project).
What makes me sad is that most the other parents are not like that and it throws off the grading curve. Why don’t TEACHERS step up and say they want the assignment done by the student and only the student and if they discover otherwise a failing grade on that project will be given. Wonder how all the volcanos and board games would look THEN??
Sheri on November 26th, 2008 12:24 am
We had one teacher, when my son was in 4th grade, who got so disgusted with all the work that was clearly being done by parents that she sent home note that specifically said, they are to do their own work. I’m sure it didn’t make much difference, but that just shows how bad it was. It just doesn’t teach them anything, and I don’t want my son calling me from college asking me to come do his projects. They have to learn sometime.
Lisa A. on November 26th, 2008 8:37 am
It’s wonderful that you allow your son to have his own vision and work to get it done. The kids whose parents “help” them, are going to be totally perplexed when they get to college and have no idea how to do anything.
Your fog machine story reminds me of my own 3rd grade book report on “Little House on the Prairie.” We were supposed to dress like a character from a book we chose and give an oral report. I wore a long skirt and my hair in braids and announced I was Laura. After giving my report, the next girl got up. She was also Laura, but she had on an authentic looking (to my 8 year old eyes at least!) 19th century costume, complete with fur-trimmed hat, cape and muff. I was mortified. Of course, even at that young age, I knew that my meager appearance was more in keeping with the real Laura, but it still smarted to be shown up in public like that!
Tinkerella on November 26th, 2008 9:45 pm
I used to teach 1-3 grade and I only gave a few homework projects all year. I specifically spoke with the parents about the importance of letting the kids do their own work (even if it looked horrible), but there was always a handful of completely obvious parent projects. I didn’t give grades, so I used to just hang up the ones I could tell the kids did, ohhhh and ahhh over them and tell them how beautiful the work was, and send the parent-made ones home. When the parents asked why their kids work wasn’t on the walls I’d say cause they didn’t really do the project.
Ginny on November 29th, 2008 9:02 pm
I know isn’t that upsetting when your kid does their homework like that. In 4th grade, my daughter had to make an instrument. She worked really hard & it turned out good.
The night before it was due, the boy’s dad brought in an entire drum set made out of PVC pipe! I was at the school & was shocked by it. He even bragged about how he made it & the teacher was eating it up. Another girl’s dad made a guitar out of wood. My daughter ended up getting an 8 out of 10 & was marked down in creativity.
I was furious, she worked so hard on it. Oh well, what can you do.