Dec

10

Christmas without Santa




This  is the first year that both of my kids know the truth about the big guy in the red suit.  My oldest has known for several years, and we told him to keep that juicy tidbit to himself so he wouldn’t spoil it for his brother.  Nolan has been wavering for awhile, so we figured last year was the end of it.  And it was, now he knows exactly where the presents come from.  And who has been eating all those cookies.

I’m a little sad, it’s one of those sweet childhood things that you hate to see go.  But I’m also a little relieved.  The problem with Santa is that he has an unlimited budget, or at least that’s the myth.  We do not.  In fact, our budget is even more limited this year.  It’s easy to do stay on a budget when the kids are small, and want action figures or building blocks.  Not so easy when they’re older and want electronics.

Besides the issue of money, I really want Christmas to be less about the stuff we get, and more about what we can give, and being grateful for what we already have.  I cringe at the thought of fighting the crowds, waiting in line, spending money, all for it to be over in minutes.  I want our holiday season to be more than that. 

We had a talk with our sons about gifts, because even though they know “the truth”, they were ready to start making their lists.  We gently told them that we weren’t really going to go with any lists this year, because list implies several, or many, gifts.  We told them to pick 1 or 2 things that they really want, and if those things are too expensive then we’ll talk about it and try to come up with other things.  I really hate saying the words “too expensive” to my kids.  I don’t want them to ever worry about money. 

And there is no reason to worry, we’re just not going overboard on buying gifts for Christmas.  The bills are paid, the house is heated, there’s food on the table, and we’re all healthy.  They just don’t see those things as gifts yet, but they will someday.

My family always gets an Angel from our church’s Angel Tree, and this year we got a 16 year old boy who was asking for a comforter for his bed.  In the past we’ve gotten little kids who wanted toys.  My youngest son was surprised that a teenager would ask for a comforter instead of something fun. I explained that if you don’t have a comforter, especially in the winter, you probably want that more than a toy or game.  I told him that there are kids on the Angel tree asking for coats, or haircuts, and they are happy to get those things.

He was quiet for little bit, then out of nowhere he said “I’m sorry”.  I asked what he was sorry for, and he said for not appreciating the things he has, when there are kids that don’t have much at all.  After I wiped the tears from my eyes I gave him a big hug, and said we all need to be reminded how lucky we are now and then, even adults. 

Do I think this means they’ll be happy with 1 or 2 small gifts this year? No, I don’t think so.  Maybe at first, but then they will see or hear about what some of their friends get, and they’ll feel that nudge of jealousy.  I feel it too, and I struggle to be content with what I have.  But when they hear about kids who need coats or blankets, it plants a seed in their mind, and in their heart.  A seed of thanksgiving, and hopefully the notion that we all have something we can give or do to help others, even if we feel like we don’t have much.

Which is really what I want Christmas to be about. 

How do other parents handle this?  If you have to cut back this year, for whatever reason, are you discussing it with your kids? How are you dealing with the disappointment and possible  jealousy?  I’d love to hear how others are dealing with this, because as usual I’m fumbling my way through this parenting thing, day by day.

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    Filed Under Family, Me | 18 Comments 

    18 Responses to “Christmas without Santa”

      1
        Shelly on December 10th, 2008 4:03 pm

        We’re in the same boat this year, cutting back on everything. We’ve been honest with our kids too. It’s easier for the older ones to understand, but it’s tough for all of us.

        Good luck, we’ll all get through it.

      2
        mary on December 10th, 2008 4:04 pm

        What a huge lesson for your son to learn — I was really touched reading about it :)

      3
        Sharla on December 10th, 2008 4:39 pm

        We have four boys ages 8, 4 and twin 19 month olds. Pretty much from the beginning of our marriage we decided we didn’t want Christmas to be about the presents, especially for our kids. So we always try to do a service and then the kids get one gift Christmas eve, one from Santa (usually the bit more expensive one), and one from Mom and Dad. And then a few small stocking stuffers. So far our kids seem really understanding of this and when they see friends who get more we just tell them that Santa has a lot of kids to bring presents to and that we have to learn to share and have less so he can give more to the kids that need it. It sounds to me like you’re doing a great job. Thanks for the post.

      4
        Becky Grayson on December 10th, 2008 4:42 pm

        I have tears in my eyes. What a special moment you just shared. You will make it through and your kids will be stronger for it. Tell your children when other kids ask what they got for Christmas tell them to say they chose to give instead. You are very special and you are teaching your children the real values in life. Never forget that.

      5
        Karissa on December 10th, 2008 5:38 pm

        how very special. I truly enjoying reading your blog. I have to admit it is the only one I actually do read everyday.
        this touched me. I might need this reminder myself Christmas day. I have always been spoiled myself on Christmas and even being a Catholic I know it isn’t about the gifts. But coming from a divorced family and not having kids of my own yet, gifts have been ample!

        thanks for the reminder and the dear story.

      6
        Linsacumz on December 10th, 2008 7:41 pm

        I am with everyone who is toughing it out this year! I use to hate my fake tree but now I dont have to buy one, we use to have evry one get a new decoration but this year we made. our house has never looked so good and we never had so much to enjoy. My wife and I are going without because little girls should never know how bad it is or how little we have. give the gift of love and sacrifice to your loved ones.

      7
        Amy on December 10th, 2008 9:52 pm

        Thanks for sharing your story. We are cutting back this year, but since our kids are 5 and 2, we still have Santa’s shoes to fill. We have explained to them that Santa has a “budget” (in kid-friendly terms, of course), but they still have long lists. I have a feeling my 5 year old is going to be disappointed a bit, but I hope he learns a lesson this year as well. Giving is more rewarding than receiving.

      8
        Analisa Roche on December 10th, 2008 9:58 pm

        Our kids have never believed in Santa, partly for this reason. It’s much easier to teach them about what’s important w/o Santa getting in the way. There are four children, ages 6, 4, 4, 2. Sometimes they want to believe in Santa, and that’s OK for a while, but we are always honest when they ask. Now if I could just get their grandparents to stop taking Santa’s place…

      9
        Sheri on December 10th, 2008 10:29 pm

        Sharla, I love the idea of doing a service. I’ve started doing that in small ways with my kids, we always take a load of gently used clothes and toys to either Goodwill or Catholic Charities in December. When they were little I had to make sure they weren’t putting broken toys in the bag to take,lol, but now that they’re older they’re good about picking out things in good shape. But I’d like to do more service projects with them. Let me know some of the things you guys do, I’d love some suggestions.

      10
        Sheri on December 10th, 2008 10:30 pm

        Thanks Mary, I think he did learn a lesson. I hope it sticks, but I think we’ll be relearning it over and over.

      11
        Sheri on December 10th, 2008 10:32 pm

        Good luck to your family too, Shelly. I think many people are in the same situation, and I do think it’s ok for the kids to know a little about what’s going on. And it never hurts to cut back.

      12
        Sheri on December 10th, 2008 10:34 pm

        Becky and Karissa, thank you for those kind words. It means alot, because sometimes I feel like parenting is so hard, and I really am stumbling my way through it, hoping I’m doing some of it right.

      13
        Sheri on December 10th, 2008 10:41 pm

        Amy, I think it is harder for little ones, because they just know that Santa is making those toys in his shop. The idea that they can’t have everything, they just dont understand.

        We always had to really guide our kids’ lists, limit the commercials they saw and not take them to toy stores, so they wouldn’t have too many ideas,lol. Even doing that, there was no way they ever got everything on their list. Just not possible, and you’re right, a good lesson.

      14
        Sheri on December 10th, 2008 10:44 pm

        Analisa, I think that’s a great way to go. Start as you mean to go, and if I had known what I was getting into, I would’ve definitely considered leaving Santa out of it. It would be much easier now.

        I know what you mean about the grandparents, too. Talk about spoiling them! But that’s their job I guess,lol.

      15
        Ginny on December 11th, 2008 6:17 pm

        I can understand how you feel. My 7 year old still believes, and I am really struggling. I have absolutely no money for presents this year. Luckily I’ve won some thing to give them & I have been able to pick up some freebies at cvs to give them. She can’t understand though why Santa is bringing all the big cool toys.

        I think I will feel that relief when she figures it out. I’m sure I will be a bit upset as well.

      16
        Mili on December 12th, 2008 7:42 am

        Hi,
        This is the first year we won’t have any gifts under the tree. At first, it hurt to realize things were so tight, but we talk with the kids and they understand. They are great kids. We plan to have a homey breakfast and we have passes to the local amusement park and enjoy the day there and see my parents for dinner.

      17
      18
        Random holiday reflections | Unexpected Bliss on January 3rd, 2009 1:54 pm

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