Dec

16

Christmas wishes




I’m feeling all out of sorts this Christmas.  This is my favorite time of the year.   I love Christmas trees, the lights, the music, everything.  But this year I’m having trouble finding the Christmas spirit.

I’m pretty sure this has something to do with me getting (gasp!) older. I was talking to a good friend of mine earlier.  She was saying that they were trying to cut back on spending money this Christmas, but that she still wanted her kids to see the big pile of presents under the tree. 

This is where I’m feeling, well, different this year.  Because for the first time, I don’t want a big pile of presents under the tree.  Not that we’ve ever had a huge amount of gifts, because we’ve never been in a position to do that.  But when the kids were little and all they wanted were $5 action figures or dinosaur toys, we could get by with spending very little but having quite a few gifts.  Now that they’re older,  the phrase “pile of gifts” is laughable.

The difference this year is that I don’t care.  Since I had kids, I’ve been consumed with what I couldn’t do for them or couldn’t buy for them.  I was afraid that they would be disappointed that we couldn’t afford a ginormous Christmas.  I was envious of those who could spend endless amounts of money on gifts, and parties, and food.  That envy sort of tainted my Christmas experience, but it was always there so I was used to it.  This year, it’s noticeably missing.

In its place, I find myself seeking out the spirit of this season.  I want to spend more time in church, and in prayer.  I want quiet time, instead of hustle and bustle.  Instead of wishing that I had tons of money to spend on my children, I wish that I had tons of money to spend on some other families that I know are hurting right now.  Its not envy, but its still a deep longing for something that I don’t have.  It feels better than envy, but still creates a chasm between where I am and where I want to be.

This is partly because I’m “growing up”.  I can  honestly say that if there were no presents under the tree for me, I wouldn’t be upset.  Sure, there are things I want.  But I know that I don’t need those things in order for it to be Christmas.  The gifts that really matter to me won’t be wrapped in shiny paper, anyway.

Its not that I don’t love my children and want them to have gifts.  I do, and they will.  But more than anything, I want them to love Christmas like I do, with or without gifts.  I want them to separate that notion of presents and stuff  from what this holiday is really about.  I want them to see that they don’t really need anything.  Which is truly the best gift of all.

 

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    Filed Under Uncategorized | 3 Comments 

    3 Responses to “Christmas wishes”

      1
        Andreah on December 17th, 2008 12:12 pm

        I am totally in agreement with how you are feeling. I feel the same way. My kids are little and want everything they see, but I am trying to instill in them that presents under the tree is not what Christmas is all about.

      2
        mary on December 17th, 2008 4:35 pm

        I’m feeling that way this year, too. It’s weird: usually by now I’ve got most of the shopping done, the cards mailed out, etc. But with a week to go, I am SO behind and unorganized. It’s almost like I’m subconsciously rejecting the insanity of it all…

      3