Comments on: I’m becoming my mother

By: Jenn Bo

Jenn Bo — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 23:12:47 +0000

My parents must have been old-fashioned. No dating until I was 16 which was torture because I didn’t turn 16 until my junior year. My mother also seemed to have wacky rationale for group outtings (yes to the football game, but no to the stomp (after game dance)- but only for this week because next week yes to the stomp). I’m sure she had her reasons but consistency would have been preferred.

At ages before 16, it would depend on the child and their circle of friends. Criteria I would look for:
– Shows history of good decision making
– Dates are with a group (6 or more)
– Date activity is at a public event (movie theater, school dance, etc.)
– Date activity would have good adult supervison
(movie night at someones house only if I know the parents and believe their values are similar to mine)

As for what age before 16? 14 minimum – probably 8th grade or even 9th grade.

By: Kasey

Kasey — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 13:01:48 +0000

I don’t know how I would feel about it if it were time for me to deal with that issue. I know what I *think* I would think, but I imagine it’s different depending on circumstances.

By: Sharla

Sharla — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 01:23:10 +0000

You go girl! It is so refreshing to hear that there are parents out there that still have some common sense with their teenagers! You stick to your guns! My 8 year old already knows he can’t date until he’s 16.

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 22:52:58 +0000

Good blog post! My boys are older, we talked a lot of about dating, since there were 5th graders “dating”. Worse, IMO, their parents thought it cute. My oldest hangs out with his friends. When it comes to the Homecoming dance they go an huge group (which I think is very cool) Usually they are all runners (my sons run cross country). He has no desire to date, but at least here, dating is not the “in” thing right now. My twins are in 8th grade and MS is different, yet there is no dating (for my guys). I also do not allow them to have MySpace of FB pages. I do know where my kids are, I trust them, but I also know how peer pressure is. I was not allowed to date until I was 16, so that is what we figured we would do here. So far, it has ben a non-issue. However we do communicate quite often with the boys about girls, dating, etc.
I hope this makes sense I was interrupted too many times to count.
Oh, I have uttered the phrase, “I do not care what others do” more times then I can remember.
A few commented on some excellent books.

By: Kimberly

Kimberly — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 14:45:23 +0000

I didn’t want to date at that age either! But I did want to have some freedom, and to know that my parents trusted me. My parents’ rule was that I could go places, but I had to tell them where I was going and what I was doing, and what time I had to be back home was whatever was reasonable for what I was going to do.

I’m not sure that “love” at 14 isn’t an important thing to experience. It’s part of how you grow to understand what being in love is about, part of how you integrate that into your life, and when it ends that’s its own kind of lesson.

There’s plenty to look forward to at 14, 15, 16 that has nothing to do with dating or being allowed to go out on dates.

By: Sheri

Sheri — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 12:27:22 +0000

I have my son a great book a year or so ago, Preparing Your Son for Every Mans Battle, Honest Conversations About Sexual Integrity, which address behavior and peer pressure about sex from a Christian perspective. Mikki, I will also get those other books you mentioned. I don’t think he can ever have too much information about it. I appreciate your prayers, I find these days that most of mine are asking for strength as a mom!

We’ve had so many conversations about that, so I trust that he knows how we feel and right from wrong. And he’s told me before that because of all the talks and because of how we are as a family, he’s accepted that he’s a “prude”, lol. But I think putting a kid in a dating situation at a young age, even a kid well educated and prepared, is just making it harder on them to do the right thing. I know they have to face peer pressure and temptation but I’m not sure 14 is the age for it, at least not as far as dating goes.

As far as taking them on a date, I don’t think we’ll be doing that. I welcome any of my sons friends to our home, including girls, and would let stay out of their way for the most part if they came here to watch movies or eat pizza.

My son has told me before that life would be much easier if his dad and I didn’t care so much, in a joking but kind of true way. We’ve given him the knowledge and have raised him to make the right choices, but he struggles with the right choices when so many others are happily making the wrong ones with little or no supervision. So that’s where I come in, by setting rules I take away some of the choice so he doesn’t have to make them, at least not all the time.

I agree that there is a huge push for dating and finding a girlfriend/boyfriend at a much younger age than when I was a teen. They are growing up much too quickly and I’m trying my best to slow it down!

By: Karen L

Karen L — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 09:22:42 +0000

I really think that kids grow up much too quickly these days. There is such an emphasis on dating and a push for kids to have a girlfriend/boyfriend…even in elementary school. My kids are adults now, but I can still remember having to try to slow them down and resist the peer pressure!

By: Lori Z.

Lori Z. — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 04:14:22 +0000

Fourteen years ago I had my first “date”. I was 11 and his dad drove us an hour to San Francisco to see the Phantom of the Opera. The dad dropped us off at the theater and picked us up there. It was fun and completely innocent.

I kissed a boy at thirteen. My husband and I have been together since we were 17. We were married at 19. We still graduated college and got my teaching credential even though I had my daughter at 21. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with young relationships, they just need to be well monitored/supported at home.

I don’t think there was ever a time where my parents didn’t know where I was. I don’t think there will ever be a time where I let my kids go off on their own and I wouldn’t know where they were.

By: MIkki

MIkki — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 02:53:48 +0000

Wow. If I felt better I would post a lot of stuff here. The D word doesn’t come up much in our house beyond – we don’t do D thing.. LOL.
I have two teenage girls who are totally fine with not D. I know some of it has to do with how we raised them, but I know GOD has done a work in their hearts too.

Do you have any good books you have read with them on this? Ones that share your same view? Joshua Harris books – I Kissed Dating Goodbye – Heather Paulson has a great one – when my girls read books from grounded Christians who are understand what they are going through.. it has helped a lot.

Hope that helps some. Will be praying for you.

By: Becca

Becca — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 01:19:31 +0000

I’m 25, not a parent yet, and can’t believe what kids these days get away with. I have to think parents are just naive and don’t pay attention to what is going on. I work at a school so I deal with 12 and 13 year olds all the time. Most of them have cell phones so their parents are in constant contact with them, even tho they are out alone. I see both sides…