health scare update

I spent four hours at the hospital today, having a nuclear stress test. For those of you lucky enough to be uninitiated in those kinds of things, a stress test is when you walk/run on a treadmill until your heart rate is elevated to some predetermined point based on your age, and while you are doing that you’re hooked up to an EKG machine and blood pressure machine. The machines are spitting out papers and graphs documenting how your heart reacts to the stress. The nuclear part is because before and after the treadmill test they injected me with radioactive stuff and did a scan of my heart while resting and again after almost dying exercising on the treadmill. I know, you are so completely jealous of me!

I was such a good girl, I was completely honest when they were asking me questions. When they asked if I exercised regularly or was a couch potato, I resisted my urge to tell them that my tennis shoes are ten years old, do I look like I exercise regularly, and just said couch potato. When I finished the treadmill test, the nurse said, well now you’ve got your exercising done for the day, I again resisted my urge to say “you mean for the month”!

I am hugely relieved to have it done, even though I won’t get results for a few days. I asked the nurse if the EKG showed any red flags, and she said no. I asked if that typically correlated with the scan and she said she couldn’t say yes or no on that, it can go either way. The scan just shows so much more than the EKG, so that is the definitive test. So I wait. But I am calmer about it now that the test is over, and calm is definitely a plus when trying to keep your blood pressure down.

I appreciate the comments and emails with kind words, that really means a lot to me. I have not been close to my family in the past, but as I get older, I’m finding mending bridges much easier than burning them, and I have managed to let go of a lot of resentment towards my family. With this health scare, I have wanted nothing more than to call my mom and spill it all. But I can’t. Mended bridges or not, my parents are elderly and are not in the best of health. My mom hasn’t been well for awhile, and she recently had to make her own trip to the ER. I cannot lay this on her, not now and maybe not ever. And as much as I love my husband, he is not a nurse or a nurturer. He tries, and he is worried about me, but he handles stress like a fly hovering over his lunch; he just swats it away and goes on eating like it was never there. He cannot wallow in stress or whatever caused it, he has to go on with a smile and act like nothing is wrong. That is how he copes. I cope, or don’t cope, by wallowing. Rolling in my problems, moaning and groaning and insisting that life is doomed. (I heard you say drama queen!) But I can’t look to him for coddling or babying. Is it wrong to need that sometimes?

I’m going to baby myself for awhile. Healthy eating, taking walks, and resting are on my agenda for the next few days. When I get the test results later this week I want to be ready to do whatever I need to do, whether that is sigh with relief or get ready to kick it in gear and conquer this thing.

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