One of those days

Do you have days where you feel like you’re running in circles? I’ve been trying to get a billion things done and whenever that happens I get nothing done. Except yell at my kids, which I hate to do because it’s not their fault I’m so busy.

I’ve mentioned before that I was having a job change, not one that I chose. Losing a job made me stop and think about what I really wanted to be doing with my life. Which was good, because I at least have an idea of where I want to be in a few years. But this is not the year.

I have a new job, or rather a new project with a previous employer. Not my dream job, but after not having a job for a month, I’m so grateful just to have it. I’m in that “new job” phase though, when you’re trying to quickly learn everything and bumbling through. I’ve also started training for another project, so I’m bumbling through several things right now. Not a good feeling, but in the type of work I do, it’s a necessity to have more than 1 project.

I had my 2 bosses IM’ing me today, everyone needed me at once, and there just wasn’t enough of me to go around. Then my poor kids came home. The ones I really wanted to be with, those are the ones I yelled at.

Why does work have to get in the way of life? I know there are some people who are blessed with work that they love, work that gives them great joy. I am eternally grateful to have a job, especially now, the way the economy is going. But my joy is being with my boys, the boys who are growing up so quickly before my eyes. Instead I’m squeezing them in, and trying to not take my frustrations out on them.

Maybe I’m having a midlife crisis. Or maybe I’ve just started to figure out what’s really important and I want to spend my time on those things. Either way, I hope tomorrow is better.

New here? Subscribe to Unexpected Bliss or have it delivered via email.

Filed Under Me, confessions | 3 Comments

Aug

11

Do as I say, not as I do

A friend and I took our kids to the local water park a few days ago. She has 2 boys the same age as mine, so they’re all good friends.

The older boys went their way and the younger two went a different way. Pretty soon the younger boys were back, saying that another boy, someone they didn’t know, had taken the ball they were playing with and wouldn’t give it back. My friend gave this other boy one of those “Mom Looks” and he quickly tossed the ball back to our kids. End of story, we thought.

The boys all came back for a snack, and we noticed that the boy who stole the ball was kind of following our younger kids. He sat close to us and watched the boys eat, then when they got up to go play he got up to follow. My friend and I again gave the “Mom Look” to let him know we were watching, and he headed off in a different direction. We both felt like he was itching for a fight, or at least a confrontation with our kids, who were smaller than him.

My oldest son came back then because he had a bloody nose, he gets those fairly often. He was lying there with a towel over his face when the stranger, the boy who took the ball, came over with a handful of paper towels he had gotten from the bathroom. He had been watching us and saw what was going on, so he grabbed some towels. Obviously our first impression was way off, he wasn’t looking for a confrontation. We thanked him, and he surprised us again by sitting down with us.

We found out that his name was Tanner, the same as my oldest son, and he was 11, the same age as my youngest. We also learned that his family, usually his papa, dropped him off at the waterpark every week day, and he stayed there for at least 6 hours a day. By himself. He then proceeded to talk to each of us, telling us about his school and his family and basically everything. For the rest of the afternoon he played with our kids, and they all got along great.

So, he was lonely. And bored, with no one to play with. I don’t want to pass judgment on the parents who dropped him off, clearly he was old enough to be there and he was ok with it. But I will pass judgment on myself. For being so wrong about him and make a rash decision right off the bat, without giving him a chance. Sure, he took our kids ball. But he is 11, and while we can say he should have just asked them if could play, probably grabbing the ball seemed like the easier choice to him. He just wanted to play.

I am constantly telling my kids, do not judge until you have walked a day in that person’s shoes. I tell my boys to think of how other people will feel before they say or do something, and I try very hard to live that way myself. But in that particular situation I didn’t. I decided the child was a bully, almost immediately.

This is a tough lesson to teach, and as I proved, a tough one to live. It’s so easy to make those quick judgments, without much thought at all. I am particularly sensitive to this, because as someone who is quiet and by nature an introvert, I realize that I may seem rude to people who don’t know that about me. I’m not intentionally rude, ever, but I am quiet and if given the choice will choose to stay by myself rather than seek out someone else. I don’t think quiet and introverted are bad characteristics, but I don’t want people to think I’m unfriendly, so I work hard at overcoming this. Especially when meeting people for the first time.

But despite the fact that I recognize how people might judge me and despite the fact that I work hard to make sure my children aren’t judgmental of others, I still did it that day at the water park. Which only proves, some lessons are never fully mastered, but instead take years and years of continual practice.

Even then, we may never get it right.

New here? Subscribe to Unexpected Bliss or have it delivered via email.