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Jun
1
My husband and sons just returned from a visit with relatives. My husband made the comment that his mom is so patient with our boys.
She always has been. It’s a grandma thing. When our first son was born, we lived next door to my in-laws. At the end of many days, when I was worn out from feeding, carrying, and rocking my baby and he still wouldn’t stop fussing and crying, we’d walk next door. As soon as I’d hand my usually crying baby to my mother-in-law, he would calm down.
It infuriated me to no end when that happened. I’d ask my husband, how can my baby like his grandma better than me? (Sleep deprivation tends to make you think irrationally) He’d laugh, but I knew why.
I was exhausted, stressed out, afraid I was “doing it wrong”, afraid that my baby crying meant that I was no good as a mom. I was tense, and my baby knew it. When I placed him in her arms, he could relax, because she was relaxed. She wasn’t tense or worried.
These days my boys are too old and too big for their grandma to hold them. But the difference is still huge.
When I see annoying habits that irritate me to the point of anger, she sees funny quirks that make her laugh.
When I see behavior that they refuse to change despite my instructions to do so, she sees teenage boys trying to grow up, and she recognizes that all kids go through it.
When I see behavior that borders on rude or obnoxious, she sees her charming grandsons acting living up to “boys will be boys”.
When I see boys that have tested me and pushed me to the breaking point, when I am certain that their futures are doomed, she sees her brilliant, kind, sweet grandsons that only make her proud.
Her sight isn’t clouded over by past hurts or past fits of anger and words flung carelessly around. She sees them clearly without remnants of last week’s disobedience or power struggles.
She sees them with her heart.
How do we see our children? Sometimes I am so worn out from the battles of parenting, on top of the battles in my own life, that I only see the things in my children that drive me crazy. I only see the arguments, the fights, the slammed doors or messes left for me to clean up.
I am trying to look at my sons through their grandmother’s eyes. To look at them with love, first and foremost, without any of the other things that can cloud my vision. I want to see only their goodness first, before the rest comes rushing in. I want to see them with joy and love, looking from my heart.
I want them to be able to see that in my eyes when they look at me.
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May
28
Oh to be so young and carefree! We had no idea what we were getting into 16 years ago today. No idea of the trials, struggles, joy and blessings we had in store for us. Still no idea of what is to come.
Here are some things I have learned in the past 16 years: (I was going to call these “words of wisdom” but I figure everyone else already knew this. I’m a slow learner)
- No matter how long you have known and/or dated someone, there is still a lot you don’t know.
- Everything you think you have figured out will all be blown to bits when you have children.
- This doesn’t apply to everyone, but I didn’t truly realize what a wonderful man I had married until I saw what a wonderful father he is to our children.
- Despite your best intentions, you will never fit into that wedding dress again. That size is long gone honey. (fine, maybe this just applies to me!)
- All those jokes about men forgetting anniversaries? I have to admit that at this point, the only way I remember how long we’ve been married is to add a year to our son’s age. The years of bliss have all blurred together
- Getting married is an act of love. Staying married is an act of faith and will. Don’t take that the wrong way; I just have learned that love and happiness ebb and flow; faith and the will to honor your commitment is what gets you through.
My husband and I have never been big on anniversary gifts, both out of necessity and just how we are. This year is no different. It’s a bit melancholy though. I have the opportunity to work this holiday weekend, so I am working and he has taken our boys to visit family. We may get to grab a bite together on Monday, which will be nice.
Happy anniversary honey; thanks for putting up with me.
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May
10
Do you have a favorite season? Mine is summer. Spring is definitely a close second, but for some reason, summer has always held the first place spot. Here are the top ten reasons why:
- Summer food. I don’t enjoy slaving over a hot stove, but give me a smokin’ hot grill and picnic fixins’ and I am a happy girl. Food just tastes better outside. Oh, and root beer floats – yum.
- Drive-in movies.
- Water balloon fights. I used to love to let my kids play in the sprinkler, but now they are think they are too old for that. But no one is too old for a water balloon fight.
- Flip flops. My favorite type of shoes. I wear them practically year round, but at least in the summer I’m dressed appropriately
- Fireworks. The 4th of July is one of my kids’ favorite holidays, and they’ve taught me to love it too.
- Home grown veggies. We don’t have a garden, but my dad and my father-in-law do, and we reap the benefits of it. Tomatoes, green beans, lettuce, broccoli. Home grown always tastes better.
- No alarm clocks, at least not for the kids. I love it when my kids can sleep in and wake up when their bodies are ready. Give them a week out of school and they are so much more rested and pleasant.
- Camping trips. My sons will tell you that their mom doesn’t “camp”. What they mean is, I rarely sleep in a tent. But a state park with cabins counts as camping, right? As long as I’m hiking, swimming, caving and cooking over a fire, I consider that camping. And I will sleep in a tent if necessary. I just scream every time a spider crawls near me. Which annoys everyone else. See why I avoid tents??
- The smells of summer. Okay, that sounds weird, but think about it. Freshly cut grass. Light summer rain. Flowers. Sunscreen. Food being cooked on the grill.
- Celebrations. My anniversary is at the end of May, and both my boys’ birthdays are in June. So we have about a solid month of celebrating the ones we love.
So, what do you love about summer?
For more Top Ten Tuesday posts, visit ohamanda.
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May
7
As a child, I knew my parents loved me. What I wasn’t sure about was whether or not they liked me, and that became a very important distinction.
In honor of Mother’s Day, I want to share some of the things I like about my sons. Someday I will share this with them, when they’re old enough to not be absolutely mortified by this display of motherly mushiness. I want it written down because it’s very important to me that they know why I like them so much.
Tanner ~ Firstborn. Child with my spirit. You are funny, witty, and bright. You are quick with a joke and finally the jokes make sense. You are insightful; you know when a sharp word is hiding a secret hurt. You are able to talk to adults on their level; respectfully and intelligently. This brings me great joy. You know how to be polite, and nothing makes me happier when you respond to my often asked “How are you” with a “How are you” of your own. You are creative, unlike your mama, which also brings me joy. You are tender hearted, and you have a special affinity for getting along with little children. They adore you, and so do I. I see your heart under the teenage bluster; I see the man you will become. He is a good man. Stay on this path and trust yourself. I am walking with you, but you already know the way.
Nolan ~ Second born. Child so much like your father. From the beginning, my serious boy. Everything you are that I am not, I envy. Such a quick learner; everything seems to come easily for you. Always the hard worker, I depend on you so much. After years of being quiet, staying in the shadow of the firstborn, you are starting to find yourself. I love that you are finally becoming comfortable with the fact that it is okay to be different from your brother. Your sense of humor is emerging, and you are hysterical. I absolutely love it when you zing your brother at the dinner table. Still completely unexpected; so he sits there with his mouth hanging open. You were born with the gift of self confidence; hold onto that always. Talented athlete, so unlike me. You are also very smart; don’t let anyone tell you differently. I love watching your personality bloom as you become less of a homebody. As different as we are, know that you are just as much me as your brother is. I catch glimpses of me in your words and actions and my heart beams. Keep following your own path child, and I will be on it with you.
I love you both because you are my sons. I like you both because of what is in your hearts.
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May
5
My life was forever altered by a baby boy.
I had big plans. I had finished my first year of law school, but my then boyfriend and I were tired of the long distance relationship after five years of seeing each other only on weekends. So I decided to take a year or two off from school. This decision was met with extreme opposition from most of my friends. Why should I quit school for a guy? It would never work; I would never be able to go back. Marriage can wait, school can’t. I heard it all, but by the time I spoke out loud what I wanted to do, it was already a done deal in my heart.
We would get married, he would finish his master’s program, then he could transfer to the closest town with a law school. If he couldn’t transfer, then I would drive back and forth to school in the part time program. It was very doable, and we were committed to that plan. I loved law school, and I had no intention of not finishing.
Which leads me to ask, do we choose the paths we take, or are they chosen for us?
Things went according to our plan for awhile. We got married and he worked on his master’s. I called the two closest law schools and got the necessary paperwork so when he graduated I would be ready. I was following my chosen path.
Three months after we got married I found out I was pregnant. This was such a shock to me that when the doctor’s office called and confirmed it, I left my job and drove to the university where he was studying for his exams. I had no idea where he was; I had never attended his university. But I searched the parking lots until I found his car, and finally I found him. He thought I had dropped by over my lunch hour to give him some support and encouragement.
Instead, I gave him the news that would change the path of both our lives forever. We were going to have a baby.
It takes a lot to render my guy speechless, but that did it. All we could do was hug. And cry.
Tears of absolute joy and unabashed happiness. Tears of wonder at God’s blessings for us.
Our families were happy for us, but the unspoken words were of concern and worry. We were young and poor, and without mentioning it, everyone wondered about our “master plan” for me to go back to school. I still believed it could be done, just a year later than planned and definitely part time. I still made phone calls and filled out paperwork.
One month after my husband completed his master’s degree, our baby boy was born. And a door closed forever.
I was completely in love with that baby before I ever saw him, but when I looked into his eyes for the first time, eyes almost identical to my own, my heart cracked wide open. Nothing else mattered but our little family.
I never went back to law school. It took me 14 years to go back to school for my master’s degree, down a completely different path than I ever planned. I have never looked back with regret. Only thankfulness that God chose me to be the mother of that baby boy. Thankful that He had the best path for me, even though it was radically different than the path I had chosen. So thankful.
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Apr
28
I know Mother’s Day is over a week away, but it’s never too early to talk about it. My family is not big on gift giving; we usually limit gifts to Christmas and birthdays, and the other holidays might get a nice meal. My most memorable Mother’s Day gift was actually before I even had kids. When I was eight months pregnant with my first son, my husband got me two gifts for Mother’s Day; the book “What to Expect the First Year” and a tube of Lanolin nursing cream. That’s right, nursing cream. See why it was memorable? But honestly, I asked for both of those things, and I was so overjoyed to be “almost” a mom that I wouldn’t have cared what he got me as long as it said Mother on the card.
The other great Mother’s Day gifts I have gotten typically involve something that my kids made me. Cards, sculpey clay figures, and drawings. I still have all of those things, and I still love them. One year my husband let my kids loose at a neighborhood garage sale with $5 each, with instructions to buy something for mom. The boys were probably six or seven years old, so you can just imagine the hodge podge of gifts that I got. But the look of pride and joy on their faces when they gave me those gifts that they had handpicked was the sweetest gift of all.
So tell me, what has been your most memorable Mother’s Day so far? If you’re not a mom, what have you done for your mom, or wife, for Mother’s Day that made her happy? Anything from the tiniest, simplest gesture, like a long distance phone call, to the biggest, grandest Mother’s Day. Tell me how you celebrate.
Leave your comments below, and every comment on this post or tweet about this post will also count as an entry in my iPod touch giveaway. I’ve gotten quite a few emails from people that want to enter more but they don’t blog or do twitter, so this will give everyone an extra chance to enter. Thank you for sharing your Mother’s Day stories with me!
If you tweet about this post please leave the link and your Twitter id in the comments here, to get the entry for the iPod touch. Thanks!
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Apr
14
I love that women and moms are encouraged to follow their heart, follow their dreams, find their authentic, true self. I love that because as a mom, I know that we get caught up in the care and feeding of others so much that we sometimes neglect our own care. Not just our physical well-being, but our emotional needs as well. And I’ve never believed that being a wife or a mom meant giving up your own dreams.
What concerns me is the “follow your dream at any cost” mentality. I’m not saying we all do that, far from it. I think its probably rare that most of us follow a dream at all – isn’t it about just getting through the day a lot of the time? But I have read and heard of people who decided to follow a dream that resulted in the end of their marriage. Now I know that marriages end all the time, for a variety of legitimate reasons, and that’s not what I’m talking about.
I’m talking about having something similar to a midlife crisis and calling it following your dream, calling it being true to your authentic self. I’m talking about making extremely selfish decisions in the name of following a dream, regardless of the cost. I know people that have done this. People that have decided that in order to be true to themselves, they need to be able to date other people, even though they are married. Then they wonder why their spouse is having a hard time with this??
There are other examples; that is just the most extreme, and it’s a true story. I shake my head in disbelief at that. I am all for taking care of yourself and nurturing yourself. I may not do it very well, but I think we all need to get better at it. But when you get married, when you have kids, you give up some privileges, one of which is the pursuit of your own happiness at any cost. Because it’s no longer just about YOU.
Marriage is hard. I’ll be the first to admit that. I’m not sure which is harder, marriage or parenting, but I think marriage wins by a small margin. Only because you have no out with parenting, you gotta do it and you hope you do it right. With marriage, you can find an out if you really want to. It’s choosing to not take the out that is tough. I’m not talking about marriages that end because of violence, abuse, or infidelity. I’m talking about walking away from a marriage because it is hard. Hard to get along, hard to share, hard to put up with the same crap over and over.
In one of the engaged encounter weekends my husband (then fiance) and I went on before we got married, the speaker told us that sometimes you just make a decision to stay together. It’s not based on love or emotion at all, just a straight forward decision to stay where you are, because you made a commitment. I still remember that after all these years, because it is so true. There are times when that romantic, adoring, gushy love is just not there, but you still stay.
What I always have to remember is that when I got married and when I had kids, I chose a path. A path with great blessings and rewards, but also a path with a few less opportunities than the open road I was on before. A path with fewer exits. The key for me is that I chose it. Whether it was yesterday or almost sixteen years ago, I made a choice and now I live by that choice. I make decisions that are not only good for me, but that will not hurt my husband or kids. Sometimes I make decisions that kinda stink for me, but are best for my family. That’s life. Is it authentic? I think so, because I can’t separate what is good for me and what is good for my family. I can’t be true to myself if it means hurting them. They are good for me; they are a huge part of my dreams, and I don’t want to follow any other path.
Read more Tuesdays Unwrapped at Chatting at the Sky
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Jan
11
Meet my Grandma Bonnie. Isn’t she beautiful? Yes, she is.
My grandma is 94 years old. She’s tiny, not quite 5 feet tall. But you don’t want to mess with this one. She’s a spitfire. And we love it that way.
At 94, she lives by herself in a senior apartment complex in a tiny tiny Kansas town. Everyone knows her and watches out for her, which is nice. But she does pretty good on her own. In her small town, she can walk to the post office, bank, grocery store and the lone restaurant. She drove until just recently,when the battery died in her car my uncle decided to take his time fixing it. But she doesn’t sit at home.
Her little apartment complex had a New Years Eve party in their recreation room. Guess who was in charge of unlocking the room, getting it set up for the party and staying there until the end of the party? Yep, my grandma. She welcomed 2010 at midnight, and headed off to a casino with friends the next day.
She also writes for the local newspaper. A little column called Bonnie’s Blog. When I expressed interest in reading what she wrote, she bought every back copy of the paper since she started writing her column and mailed them to me. What a treasure!
We visited her over my kids’ Christmas break, and it was a much overdo visit. I was worried about how much she would have changed since I saw her last. But the only way you can really tell that she has gotten older is that she’s quite hard of hearing now. Otherwise, she’s just as busy, active, and opinionated as ever. My kids are still laughing about her telling a story about how during hunting season,every jackass in town has a gun. She doesn’t mince her words, never has.
She has worked hard all her life, and while I like to consider myself a hard worker, I’m pretty sure the work I do can’t begin to compare to hers. In her day, work was cleaning houses, cooking meals at the cafe, and working at the local nursing home, while raising four kids. Hard, back breaking work that she did until she was 77 years old.
When I was a shy, lonely outcast of a kid in a new town, at the most awkward of ages, my grandma was my best friend. Her door was always open. I’ve always felt close to her, and while I was thrilled to see her doing so well, I do worry that our visits are numbered. One of my resolutions is to see her more often this year.
Another unspoken resolution of mine is to be more like her. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I see a tired, worn out shell of the woman I should/could be. What do you see when you look at my grandma? No tired shell there. You see a beautiful, full of life, vivacious woman who has had lots of good times and plans on having many more. I want to be like her.
Who do you want to be like?
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Sep
23
My youngest son wants a cell phone. He has wanted one for awhile, but now that he’s in sixth grade and everyone has a cell phone, he is especially desperate for one. I offered to let him carry one of our old ones and just always say his phone died, but he didn’t go for that
Unlike his teenage brother, whose method for getting what he wants is limited to asking then wailing when the answer is no, my little guy knows the subtle art of persuasion. In other words, he is trying to manipulate his mama with his cuteness. Oh yes he is.
For instance, puppy dog eyes. He does it well, and he does it often. Tell me this face is not irrestible-
(I had to include the actual puppy with the boy and his puppy dog eyes, so you see the full irrestibility)
I am particularly vulnerable to this boy and his puppy dog eyes, because he is so desperate for a phone that he drops his manly attitude and is all “hug me mommy”. He knows what works, the sly dog.
He went on a campout last weekend and used one of his friends’ phone to text me. Often. I guess to show me his fine texting skillz… Which are so fine that I have to share the texts with you:
Nolan: Hi mommy yer stil at the church (translation: we’re still at the church)
Me: Hi honey, have a good time.
Nolan: Dont text me again im on davids fone
Then my older son sent him a text, because when someone tells you not to text them, you must respond!
Nolan: david is taking hi fone awa so dont text me but i dont think that os fairatall (translation: david is taking his phone away so don’t text me, but I don’t think that is fair at all)
Nolan: member to call att (translation: Remember to call AT&T and ask how much it will cost to get him a phone)
Nolan: Seriousli
Nolan: U better
Nolan: Seriousli before o get home (translation: seriously before I get home)
Nolan: Davids fone is dying dont text again (notice that I have NOT been texting him!)
Nolan: hi mom imon dads fone now (translation: hi mom I’m on dad’s phone now)
Nolan: dad wants his fone back already wich is totaly ufair by (translation: dad wants his phone back already which is totally unfair. bye)
Well. I think we all can agree that the child is a texting prodigy. Seriously, I was laughing so hard getting those texts from him.
Adorableness and texting genius aside, that boy is still not getting a fone. Wich is totaly ufair.
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Apr
16
Last week was my 1 year blogging anniversary. I can’t believe it’s been a year already, I’ve loved every minute of it. The blogging community is incredibly kind and welcoming, and I hope to celebrate many more blogiversarys!
To kick off my blogiversary celebration, I’m giving away an awesome necklace from Superhero Designs. I’m so excited about this giveaway, it’s just a wonderful prize! If you haven’t checked out Andrea’s beautiful jewelry, you are missing out. She has lovely colorful bead necklaces and some very cool pendants, as well as beaded bracelets.
They are all so pretty its hard to pick, but my favorite is the bulls eye pendant. On the back of it is the word “superhero”, which I love. Thestarburst pendant says “joy” on the back. Both are beautiful, so I’m not going to choose which one I give away. The winner gets to choose either the starburst pendant or the bulls eye pendant. You are so lucky!
Here’s how to enter:
In order to do this blogging anniversary right, I want to give you as many chances to enter as possible.
- Visit Superhero Designs then come back here and tell me 2 things. 1-which pendant you would choose and 2-which beaded necklace is your favorite. Leave 1 comment for each answer, so that gives you 2 entries.
- Any comment you leave on any upcoming post, from now until the giveaway ends, will count towards the giveaway. So any comment on any post dated 4/16 until 4/30 will count as an entry! Please leave relevant comments, not just “enter me in the giveaway”, and one comment per post. I will keep track of all comments on posts between now and 4/30.
I will post at least daily so you’ll have many chances to enter this one, come back often!
And there are even more ways to enter:
- Subscribe to Unexpected Bliss.
- Mention this giveaway on your blog. (include direct link in your comment)
- Follow me on Twitter (@UnexpectedBliss)
- For an extra entry, sent a tweet on Twitter about this giveaway. Leave your Twitter name in your comment. This may be done as often as you want, leave a comment for each tweet.
- Stumble this post
For each of the above that you do, leave 1 comment on THIS giveaway post, ie 1 comment if you subscribe, 1 comment if you follow me on Twitter, 1 comment for each tweet, 1 comment for a Stumble, 1 comment for mentioning this on your blog)
Open to US addresses only.
This giveaway will end Thursday April 30 at midnight CST. I will notify the lucky winner via email and once the winner responds with choice of pendant I will post the winner here. Please make sure to put a valid email address in every comment that you leave.
The giveaway has ended, I will email the winner and post here once I hear back from them. Thank you everyone who entered!
This giveaway is sponsored by me, to celebrate my year of blogging. Enjoy!
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My boys
Where did those little guys go?Cuteness overload
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