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Nov
19
I mentioned last week that I had recently taken a donation to my church, to give to a local family that is having some financial problems. I did that despite my own financial issues, which mainly consist of a constant shortage of funds, made worse by being out of work for several weeks earlier this year. My point in mentioning that was how great it made me feel to be able to help someone.
Well, something amazing has been happening since I took that donation to the church. People have been giving me, and my family, things. Random people, random things. I respect the privacy of these angels, but I can tell you that someone my husband works with gave us concert tickets for a local concert. Concert tickets are not in our budget, that would go way over in the luxury column, which we don’t even use. So this was a huge gift for us, and for my 13 year old son, who has been dying to go to a concert but knows better than to even ask. He got to go with my husband, and it was a great concert, but even better, they shared a wonderful father/son experience that they’ll always remember.
Some other angels that I’ve only met online sent me some wonderful things for Christmas gifts for my sons, and since I don’t want my sons to know the surprise, I won’t go into detail on that. Just know that these are wonderful gifts for my boys, and again, not in my budget.
There were some other things that happened last week that I won’t mention, but those things can only be chalked up to me being very lucky, or something else at work. I know I’m not lucky, that’s been proven. So I have to believe that because of the good thing I did, no matter how insignificant I thought it was, no matter that I wished so badly that I could do more, because of that good deed, now good things are coming back to me.
I believe in karma, I believe what comes around goes around. But more than that, I believe that if we trust, in whatever God we believe in, then we will be taken care of. It took a huge leap of trust and faith for me to give money to a family I don’t even know, when my own family could certainly use that money. I trusted, I had faith, and even though I did waver a little, I am being taken care of. I should never doubt that.
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Oct
7
I had Parent/Teacher conferences today for my 5th grader. Nolan is many, many things. He’s helpful, he’s a quick learner, he’s opinionated, he’s a cutie. But it never fails to surprise me when his teachers use a different word to describe him.
They say he is quiet. Quiet. Hmm, I’m not familiar with that word. As the mom of 2 boys, I rarely find myself thinking, it’s so quiet around here. No, quiet is not something I get alot of.
And Nolan is that child who will follow you around, talking constantly, completely unconcerned with whatever you’re trying to accomplish, because what he needs to say Must Be Said. And heaven forbid you tell him No to something he wants to do. Because he will not quit asking you why until you are cowering in the corner, begging for mercy and telling him that he can do whatever he wants if he’ll just quit talking about it! The boy has won every debate he’s started. We are all afraid of him, his cuteness is very deceiving.
So when the teachers say he is quiet, I’ve learned to bite my tongue and not blurt out “Are you sure you’re talking about my Nolan? Possibly there’s another Nolan who is quiet?” I just smile and nod, like I actually know this quiet boy they’re talking about.
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Sep
6
I will have some Saturday giveaways posted later today, I’m just not moving too fast this morning. It’s dark and rainy here, very quiet and peaceful. I’m trying to soak that up.
I got to take calls for Stand Up 2 Cancer donations last night. It was such a rewarding, yet humbling experience, and I’m so glad I was able to do it. A perfect way to spend my Friday.
It was great to talk to so many cancer survivors, and people donating in memory of loved ones. We had been advised that the calls might be hard, talking to people about this can be so emotional. So I thought I was prepared, and for the most part the people I spoke with were upbeat and hopeful, very happy to be contributing to cancer research.
Towards the end of my night I got a call that shook me. I answered and a young boy spoke. He wanted to make a donation in memory of his daddy, who died a couple weeks ago from cancer. From the minute I heard his tiny, strong voice, I was fighting to hold back my tears. He was very proud to be giving money. What an incredible kid.
When his mom got on the phone to finalize the donation, she was clearly struggling, crying as she spoke. My heart aches for her, and her 2 small children, as they try to find their way without their beloved dad and cherished husband.
I haven’t stopped thinking about that call since then. I can’t. I feel like I have no right to even say that the call shook me. For me it was a phone call. But it’s their life. I can’t even imagine their pain right now. When I try to imagine what they’re going through, I can’t bear to even think about it. So many people have lost so much.
That call, which lasted probably 2 minutes, was one of those moments where the world stops, for a heartbeat. And I could see clearly, maybe for the first time, that all the things that keep me up at night, that make my head spin with worry, that cause me to be cranky with my family, all those things are nothing. I got nothing.
Nothing to worry about. Everything to celebrate.
Be grateful today.
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Jun
28
My son got home from camp today. Finally life is as it should be.
I’m glad he got to go, we were getting to that point in the summer break where the boys were snapping at each other more often, and everyone was tired of being stuck inside during the seemingly constant storms lately. He was ready for something different, and a week of good old fashioned outdoor fun was just the thing to break the monotony.
But it did my heart good to see how happy Nolan was to have his brother home. He missed Tanner right away, maybe more than I did. Ok, that’s not possible, but he missed him alot. I warned him that even though Tanner missed us too and was ready to come home, I knew he’d also be worn out from such a busy week and that his good mood might not last for long.
But I was wrong. He was worn out, but he was so happy to be home, happy to hang out with his little brother all day. Not once did I hear any bickering, yelling, tormenting. Just laughter. What a sweet sound.
I know that the peace and love flowing around our home tonight probably won’t last long, but I’m soaking it up for now. Everyone is tucked into their bed where they belong, and all is right in the world.
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Jun
14
My husband is the strong silent type. Seriously. The boys and I see his goofy side occasionally, but typically he’s pretty reserved. I balance that out well, with my extra helping of goofy. But reserved or not, he’s hands down the best father I know.
When I was growing up my dad was either traveling for work, or working 12 hour days so I rarely saw him. When I did see him, he was always fighting exhaustion, with not much left for his 2 rambunctious kids. And that’s ok, he was still a good dad. Just a different kind of dad.
My husband is actively involved in our boys’ day to day, minute by minute lives. He has been front and center since the day our first child was born. He never met a dirty diaper he couldn’t handle, and when I was exhausted with a 1 week old that wouldn’t sleep, he took over even though he had to be up for work. With both of our boys, he would take the 5:30am feeding, so I could get a little sleep.
He’s been a hands on dad through all of it, preschool, t-ball, cub scouts, everything. And the greatest part is, he absolutely loves every minute of it. I’ll admit, I get tired of all the running around, places to be every weekend. When I start to complain, he reminds me that it won’t always be this way, soon they’ll be driving and won’t want us around. We have to enjoy this while we have it. He’s right, of course.
He’s the cub scout leader for our youngest son, has been for several years. That’s fine, but when he also agreed to be assistant coach for the baseball team, I questioned his sanity. How many obligations does he really need?! His response:
But I love it.
And I love him for that. For loving all of it, the good, the bad, and the crazy.
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Jun
9
Are you one of those people who is always cool and collected, even keel, pretty steady? Well, let me admit something about myself, I am not one of those people. I try very hard, but I’m just not.
I’m a pretty upbeat person, but when things start to pile on, like things inevitably do, I start to falter. I get anxious, jittery, and preoccupied. I noticed earlier this weekend that as I was watching the most exciting baseball game of our season so far, I was thinking about everything but baseball. That’s when I knew I was starting to worry too much.
I really struggle with this. I can deal with my own anxiety, but I don’t want my children to have to deal with it. I hate looking into my sons eyes and seeing a reflection of my own concerns. And I hate that when I get anxious I also have a tendency to get short with my kids. I don’t want to play or chatter, I just get lost in my worries. I’m like a dark cloud, hovering over everything.
I’m very lucky that I’m married to a man who is steady and even. His response, to every worry or concern, is always “We’ll get through it.” Those four words mean so much to me, because I desperately need that anchor.
As a parent I struggle with so many things, lack of patience, lack of organizational skills, just to name a few. I hope I make up for my shortcomings by being completely and totally in love with my kids. That’s why, when I have a day like today when my mind is a million miles away from the happy boys in my house, I make a point to stop, grab the closest child, and hug them tight. I tell them, mom is having a rough day, but it isn’t because of anything you’ve done. And I smile and laugh with them, so they know it’s really ok.
If you’re having a dark cloud kind of day, I hope you can find the sun through the clouds. It’s there, you only have to look at your loved ones to see it.
And hopefully tomorrow the clouds will be gone.
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May
30
I know it’s not officially summer yet, but it was the first day of summer vacation in our house, which is good enough for me.
Things I love about summer vacation:
- The boys can sleep later, which = much happier children
- Children watching cartoons in their pajamas in the morning
- Water balloon wars
- Sounds of kids playing all day long
- Long lazy days with no agenda
- More time for my favorite activity, reading!
- $1 kids movies at the local theatre
- Snow cones
- Fourth of July fireworks
- The boys sleeping out in a tent in the backyard
- Both boys have June birthdays, so it’s one big celebration
There are other things I love about summer, but it pretty much boils down to more free time with my boys, less rushing around and more relaxing.
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May
28
Fourteen years ago today I married my sweetheart. It’s been a wonderful ride, lots of twists and turns and several uphill climbs, but we’re here and we’re happy.
Looking forward to many more years together, no matter what they bring. Love ya babe.
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May
26
Only 3 more days of school. Then I’ll officially be the mom of a 5th grader and a 7th grader. Unbelieveable. But we are ready!
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May
11
My boys, when they were about 3 and 5 years old. What cuties. Sometimes I really miss those days, but then I remember that every age has it’s difficulties. Right now it just seems like kissing owies and potty training had to be easier than venturing into the teenage years.
My boys couldn’t be less alike. My oldest is so much like me, it hurts to watch him stumble through life. He’s self conscious, filled with doubts and worries about himself, and so eager to please in order to get and keep friends, it makes my heart ache. He’s also bright, funny, and an extremely talented musician and artist. He’s kind to a fault sometimes, he’ll tolerate almost anything to be accepted.
My wish for him is that he be able to see the goodness in himself. That he know in his heart that he’s good, and kind, and worthy. I would give anything to be able to give that to him.
My younger son is a clone of my husband. Confident, secure, no worries. This child worries me much less than his brother. If someone doesn’t like him, his attitude is that it’s their loss, not his. If someone is mean to him, he doesn’t follow them around like a puppy, waiting for a crumb. He was born this way, he’s never had a day of self doubt in his life. This makes my heart sing, because of all the personality traits that might help him get through the turbulent teenage years, self confidence trumps them all.
Our children break our hearts, daily. I can’t wrap them in my arms and keep them safe, I can’t do the hard parts for them, they have to grow and learn and muddle through, just like I did. There’s no other option but to take this motherhood job day by day. Each day brings a different struggle, a different joy.
I hope your Mother’s Day is filled with joy.
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