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Nov
19
I mentioned last week that I had recently taken a donation to my church, to give to a local family that is having some financial problems. I did that despite my own financial issues, which mainly consist of a constant shortage of funds, made worse by being out of work for several weeks earlier this year. My point in mentioning that was how great it made me feel to be able to help someone.
Well, something amazing has been happening since I took that donation to the church. People have been giving me, and my family, things. Random people, random things. I respect the privacy of these angels, but I can tell you that someone my husband works with gave us concert tickets for a local concert. Concert tickets are not in our budget, that would go way over in the luxury column, which we don’t even use. So this was a huge gift for us, and for my 13 year old son, who has been dying to go to a concert but knows better than to even ask. He got to go with my husband, and it was a great concert, but even better, they shared a wonderful father/son experience that they’ll always remember.
Some other angels that I’ve only met online sent me some wonderful things for Christmas gifts for my sons, and since I don’t want my sons to know the surprise, I won’t go into detail on that. Just know that these are wonderful gifts for my boys, and again, not in my budget.
There were some other things that happened last week that I won’t mention, but those things can only be chalked up to me being very lucky, or something else at work. I know I’m not lucky, that’s been proven. So I have to believe that because of the good thing I did, no matter how insignificant I thought it was, no matter that I wished so badly that I could do more, because of that good deed, now good things are coming back to me.
I believe in karma, I believe what comes around goes around. But more than that, I believe that if we trust, in whatever God we believe in, then we will be taken care of. It took a huge leap of trust and faith for me to give money to a family I don’t even know, when my own family could certainly use that money. I trusted, I had faith, and even though I did waver a little, I am being taken care of. I should never doubt that.
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Nov
17
I just got back from a whirlwind trip to Kansas, to be with my mom while my dad had surgery. He has an aneurysm on his aorta, which is scary enough, but even scarier since he managed to postpone the surgery for 5 months longer than his doctor recommended. He has had 3 heart bypass surgeries, and he was scared that he wouldn’t make it through another major surgery. They were able to do this one laparoscopically, and it was a success.
I’m finding myself in that sandwich generation, or at least headed in that direction. My kids still need me, and my parents will soon need more help from me. I know alot of people my age, or close to it, are finding themselves in the same place. What makes this harder for me is that I’m not very close to my parents.
I could write a book on the reasons why I’m not close to them, but that’s not a book I would want to read, so I won’t go into detail. There’s been years of hurt and anger and bitterness, and in the past 2 years the wounds have been reopened, at least my wounds have. As far as they know, those chapters are long closed. Since I am almost 40, and try to deal with things like a grown up most of the time, I plan on letting the past stay in the past.
Just because I don’t want to rehash everything with my parents doesn’t mean that I have an easy time putting my hurt feelings aside. I don’t, and I hate myself for it. Holding onto grudges, or letting new, petty things hurt me makes me feel ugly. As much as I want to hold onto my anger, and I really want to, I don’t like how it makes me feel.
I posted about how great I felt after helping a family that I don’t even know. My heart soared, my spirit felt lighter, it was such a great thing. But when my family needs me, I get all grinchy. I don’t want to help, because after all we’ve been through, I feel like I don’t owe them anything. And maybe I don’t. But that doesn’t really jive with how I felt about helping complete strangers, even when it wasn’t convenient for me.
I can’t have it both ways. I can’t believe with all my heart that we are called to help, to be kind and to love, yet at the same time, put up a brick wall when it comes to helping my own parents. Even though they’ve hurt me. Especially when I know, deep down in my grinch heart, that my parents do love me. There are families that have caused each other pain beyond repair, hurts beyond forgiveness. That’s not my situation. It’s more years of little hurts and rejections that I’ve allowed to form into a huge pile of crap that I refuse to throw away.
I can’t forget the past. I’m not sure I can completely forgive either. But I also can’t tell 2 elderly people, who for all intents and purposes don’t have anyone else to ask for help, that I won’t be there. I can’t stay away when my dad is having potentially life threatening surgery. I couldn’t live with myself if I did.
Maybe I’m growing up a little, if so, I guess it’s about time. Whatever the reason, I’ve accepted that no matter what is lurking in the past, I have to move beyond it. I just can’t reconcile holding grudges with the kind, giving person that I really want to be.
It’s been an emotional day. I’m happy to be home safe and sound, and I’m feeling very thankful tonight, for lots of things.
This post was entered in Scribbit’s November Write Away Contest.
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Nov
14
My husband and sons just drove off for a weekend Scout camp out. I’d be doing a happy dance, but just getting them out the door is hard work. In case you haven’t met my son, let me tell you something about him. He never does anything willingly. He mopes and groans and gripes about everything, like this camp out. But he’ll come home Sunday all smiles, telling me what a great time he had. He does this all the time, for pretty much every activity. We’re used to him, but we also get annoyed with the requisite moping. So we ignore him. And I told my husband to try to have the patience of a saint on the drive to the campsite.
So I have 2 days to myself. Just me and the dog, and all he wants to do is sleep. I have to work, but I don’t mind working when I’m home alone. No distractions, no feeling guilty for working while the kids are home.
But, if I didn’t have to work, what would I do? Hmm, that’s like asking yourself, what would you do if you won the lottery. You know it won’t happen, but it’s so fun to dream. If my family was gone and I didn’t have to work, I would spend the first night chilling out. I’d rent a movie, get some yummy snacks and curl up with a blanket. Then I’d sleep in, til at least 9 - if you have kids you know that sleeping til 9 is a luxury that doesn’t happen too often.
For my 2nd dream day without the family, I would take some time for me. Get my hair done, read a book, nap, whatever I wanted. Then that evening I’d grab a friend or two, and get dinner or movie, or both. I don’t know about you, but for me, a weekend like that would be like winning the lottery.
Just thinking about such a nice weekend has inspired me. Leave me a comment telling me what you’d do if your family left you alone for 2 days. Dream big, and give me details, what movie would you see, what book would you read, what spa treatment would you indulge in. I want to live vicariously through you!
Now for the giveaway part. I’m giving away a $50 Visa gift card to one lucky commenter.
To enter:
Please leave a comment describing how you would spend a weekend without your family.
I will pick the winner using the random.org generator and will notify them via email. Open to US addresses only. It’s one entry per person, but you can earn extra entries.
To earn extra entries:
- Subscribe to my feed You can subscribe through a feed reader or you can also subscribe by email and have posts sent to your email address.
- Mention this giveaway on your blog with a link back here.
Please leave 1 extra comment for each additional entry, telling me which you have done (ie 1 extra comment if you subscribe, 1 extra comment if you mention this on your blog)
This giveaway will end on Monday November 17 at midnight. This giveaway has ended, look for the winner announcement once I get an email from them. Thank you everyone who entered, great ideas for a weekend without the kids!
I can’t wait to read your comments. Someday we’ll get to have that dream weekend, so it never hurts to plan ahead.
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Nov
12
I hate to admit it, but I’m a “glass is half empty” kind of person. Which is horrible, but kind of understandable, given that both my parents were the same way. Since I met my husband, otherwise known as Mr. Optimistic, I’ve tried really hard to change my doomsday mind set.
After doing a lot of reading, contemplating, and getting back in the habit of going to church, I do think I’ve made some progress. But it’s hard, and when life throws me a curve ball it’s so easy to go back to feeling sorry for myself. I felt myself drifting back to that when I was out of work for awhile, because as life goes, when you’re out of work, all of a sudden there are new bills or things we need popping up. And piling up. Before I knew it, all my positive thoughts were gone, replaced with the familiar moping and whining that everything that can go wrong has gone wrong.
Instead of curling up with my negativity, and letting it take over, this time I decided to deal with it differently. Instead of focusing on my too small paycheck, and stack of bills, and the braces that my son needs, I paid it forward.
I get emails from my church about upcoming events, and I had gotten an email that in addition to serving free donuts on Sunday, they would be selling breakfast burritos, with all proceeds going to a family that was in desperate need of help. I’ll admit that when I first read the email, I didn’t pay much attention to it. How could I worry about another family when I was working myself into a frenzy of worry about my own pitiful life?
But I couldn’t quit thinking about that email, and that family. I could not stop thinking about how bad it must be, for someone to call the church and ask for help. For two days I kept coming back to that email.
So despite my intentions to wallow in self pity, I took some money to the church. It wasn’t alot of money, I’m not kidding about the expenses piling up, but I took what I could and I asked the secretary if I could make a cash donation to the family that needed help. I handed over my money, walked out of there and felt like a million bucks the rest of the day. I felt lighter, more joyful, and less worried than I had in quite awhile.
I’m not proud of my glass is half empty attitude, it’s my cross to bear and overcome. Most of the time, I do overcome it, I do see the joy and goodness and ignore the rest. But when I can’t, when I let it take over, I think I’ve found a way to get past it. Giving and helping seems to be the miracle cure for what ails me. I think I like it.
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Nov
11
Robyn at Robyn’s Online World tagged me for the 5 Things Meme, which is very helpful because I was drawing a blank for today’s post and needed to keep up with NaBloPoMo.
Five things I was doing 10 years ago
1. I was about to turn 30 - yikes!
2. I had a baby and a toddler, so I wasn’t getting much sleep.
3. I was working a part time, night shift job, so my husband could be with the kids while I worked.
4. My favorite thing to wear was sweatshirts. Oh wait, that’s still my favorite.
5. We drove a little Saturn.
Five things on my to do list
1. Spend more time on my blog
2. Organize my desk
3. Schedule a dentist appointment for myself - I don’t want to go!
4. Start working on Christmas cards - yeah right.
5. Get out the winter blankets.
Five things I like to snack on
1. Nachos
2. Chips and salsa
3. Chips and guacamole
4. Layered taco dip
5. Anything salty, and crunchy. Like chips.
Five things I would do if I was a millionaire
1. Pay off all bills
2. Give back to the many people that have given to me over the years
3. New house
4. Travel
5. Buy something wonderful for my husband on his 40th birthday
Five jobs I have had
1. waitress
2. office cleaner - which is funny if you could see my house now
3. legal assistant
4. retail salesperson
5. Mom
Thanks for tagging me Robyn!! I skipped the 5 places I have lived, because sadly, I haven’t lived that many places. You don’t have to be tagged to play along. Feel free to list your 5 things on your blog, and leave a comment with the link so I can check them out.
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Nov
7
My sons usually ride the bus home from school. Today my oldest son informed me that he needs to bring his bass clarinet home for the band competition tomorrow, and it’s pretty hard to haul it on the bus. So I went to pick him up.
School lets out at about 2:13pm. I was late, of course, but in the car line by 2:15. At 2:16 my phone rings, and it’s my son. He was calling to tell me that his instrument broke, so I do not need to pick him up. Remember, I am already in the car line, at the school, by then.
At what age, in which grade, do they teach common sense? He really spaced out that it was so late I’d already be at the school. Just another indication that he is his mama’s son, through and through. That kind of thing drives my meticulous, perfectionist husband absolutely crazy, but I just laugh.
Bloggy Giveaways Carnival winner!
Random Interger Generator:
Here are your random numbers:
741
Congratulations to Molly, you’re the winner of the $50 Amazon gift card. Look for an email from me.
On the subject of giveaways, I’d like to do several giveaways during November, to gear up for the holidays. I know I love getting Amazon gift cards, or any gift card, but what do you like to win? What are the favorite things to enter for? Let me know in the comments, I’ve got a few giveaways planned but I’d love to have a variety of prizes.
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Oct
24
This is the longest I’ve gone without blogging since I started last April. To be honest, I haven’t even checked my blog, or any of the blogs in my reader, all week. This is a forced hiatus, I’ve been so busy with a new job that I don’t have time to do anything else.
I’ve been spinning like a top all week, trying to learn this job, please new bosses, and keep my personal life from falling apart. Whenever I tell people I work from home, the typical response is, how can I do that? I’m cautious to even mention it, because while it has definite advantages, there are some days that I wonder what I’m thinking.
When you shut your door in your office at work, you are shutting out your co-workers. When I shut my office door, I’m shutting out my family. If I’m able to get most of my work done during the day, while they’re all gone, or late at night, then we’re good. But this week, I’ve had to shut my door way too often, while my kids and husband are home. I’ve been working way past midnight, and again very early in the morning, but I’ve still missed several dinners with my family, and several of their after school activities. I don’t mind the work, or the crazy hours, but I am missing my family time, and my family.
My kids are used to this, with every new project there is a flurry of non stop work, and they know it will pass. I did take a break yesterday and pick them up from school, because it was pouring down rain and I knew they’d appreciate not having to walk from the bus stop.
I picked Tanner up first. He took one look at me and said “Mom, you need some rest. You’re looking really bedraggled”.
Be-draggled?? I laughed at him, but you know, right now that made up word describes me very well. I’m going to take some time off this weekend, enjoy my family, hopefully get back online, and try to not look quite so bedraggled.
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Oct
20
My kids are on fall break. For some reason, this is the signal for my body to break down and get sick. I have so many fond memories of lying on the couch, miserable, while my kids were on fall break. Seasonal allergies wait all year, then bombard me right about now.
As soon as fall break is over, and they’re back in school and I’m back to work, I’ll be well. I guess I’m allergic to having my kids on an extended break from school.
My oldest spent the night with a friend, so Nolan and I were on our own. I prefer to lie on the couch and moan when I feel like this, but Nolan didn’t approve of that plan. So, we did a little pumpkin carving.
I know it’s hard to tell in the bright sun, but that’s a pretty fine looking skull and crossbones. We’ve been carving pumpkins using those store bought kits for years. This time Nolan did it all himself. I sat and moaned supervised, but he is the pumpkin carving master.
After the pumpkin carving, I got a call that Nolan had won something, and we could come and pick it up. My first thought was, woohoo a flat screen TV! But that wasn’t it. He was just as happy with what he won, though.
In case you’re thinking this is an ordinary Sugar Daddy, let me show you the real reason why my son was soooo happy with his prize.
That’s right, it was super mega size Sugar Daddy. A full pound of artery hardening, tooth decaying goodness. You would have thought he won the lottery, he was that happy. He was a little concerned that there might not be enough to share with his brother - seriously. This is one candy loving boy.
So even though I was a sick, whiny baby, we had a good day. And eventually my medication will kick in and I’ll be back to normal. Or I could just eat some of that monster size candy bar, and collapse in a sugar coma. Decisions, decisions.
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Oct
13
I mentioned how excited I was to have a weekend to myself while my family was camping. I enjoyed my weekend, but I was fully aware that when those guys come home from a weekend of hiking, climbing, sleeping in tents, they are worn out. And filthy. And exhausted. Which makes for 3 very grumpy men.
I got a call from my husband on Saturday, just to tell me that they were fine and having fun. He mentioned that Nolan had lost a tooth, which Nolan thought was cool. Then he mentioned that Nolan had fallen while playing football and landed on a rock. He cut his leg, of course the scouts had a first aid kit so they got him bandaged right up and he was good as new. I talked to Nolan and he said the same thing, lost tooth, small football injury, lots of fun. All is good.
They got home yesterday and I got a chance to see this “small football injury”. I took one look at the gaping hole in his knee and told them both he needed to have it stitched. Did he ever need stitches. The only thing I can think of is that when it happened the tough boy didn’t cry or complain, and since it was bleeding they couldn’t get a good look at it before they wrapped it up. If I would’ve been there we would have left immediately. I found out later that my husband asked Nolan if he wanted to leave, if his knee was hurting that badly. Nolan insisted no, it wasn’t hurting and he wanted to stay.
So my peaceful weekend ended with a trip to the ER. He did need stitches, but the worst part was that the wound was covered with dirt and grime, so it took a good scrubbing to get it cleaned before it could be stitched. The part that hurts the worst is the shot they gave him to numb the area, or I should say shots because it took several.
Here’s the brave boy with his “small football injury”. A small injury which took 3 hours in the ER, 5 shots and 9 stitches.
I think this is probably why moms don’t go on these campouts.
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Oct
11
My family has gone camping, leaving me home alone. Well, not completely alone.
I’m hanging out with this big guy today. He’s not much for conversation but he’s always happy to see me.
Head over to Slurping Life for more Straight Out of the Camera shots today.
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