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Mar
2
My baby eighth grader went to his first semi-formal dance recently. I wasn’t thrilled with the whole “semi-formal” thing at first, because it meant we had to buy some dress up clothes for him. The school counselor made it clear that semi-formal just meant no jeans/t-shirts/tennis shoes, not a tuxedo. Whew!
My son did not have a date for this dance, much to my relief. I really have nothing against dances or dates, but some of my best memories from high school are going to dances with a group of friends. We had a blast, and there were none of the expectations that might be there with a date. I want him to have fun, not drama. So he met several friends there, and afterwards spent the night with his buddies.
I worry about my boy, because like me, he can have unreasonable expectations of things. A dance could be the the “best night of his life”, if he only had a date. So for him, no date means he can relax and be himself, without aiming for that unattainable “perfect night”. We did have to have a discussion about the clothes though. He actually asked for a suit. I would love nothing more than to see my boy decked out in a suit, but that is a more money than I can spend on something he won’t wear again. We finally agreed on black dress pants, red shirt, tie and shoes. He looked great!
It was so cute to see him getting ready that night, with his dad helping him with his tie. He was excited and nervous, calling his friends constantly to make sure that no one arrived at the dance before the others. They all came back to our house after the dance, just long enough for Tanner to change clothes and grab some overnight stuff. One of the guys did have a date, and they were giving her a ride home so she came over too. The girls apparently took the semi-formal part very seriously! She looked lovely, but my first dress like that was for prom my junior year. I saw many pictures from that night and all the girls were wearing formals. Even though I wasn’t excited about the semi-formal part at first, I do think it changed the whole atmostphere of the dance for these kids. I’ve never seen my son or the other kids so excited about a school dance, and the only difference was that they were dressed up. They loved dressing up and loved seeing each other dress up, and I’m sure it made a difference in how they behaved at the dance.
Now here’s my rant – you knew it was coming, right? My husband dropped him off at the dance, and when he came home he told me there were two limos dropping off groups of kids, one a Hummer limo. Remember, this is an EIGHTH GRADE dance. Not senior prom. What do these kids have to look forward to for prom, or any other dance, if we are bringing out the big guns for EIGHTH GRADE?
I get that parents want to make these things perfect for their kids. I want my son to have a good time, I don’t care so much about perfection. I also get that if you can afford to do things like that, go right ahead. But next year, how do you top the fancy dress, corsage, dinner before the dance, bowling afterwards, and the limo? What is left to make the next four years worth of dances great and wonderful and perfect?
I grew up in a small town, so there were no limos, no restaurants, no hotels. There was only so much we could do for prom, and it was still absolutely perfect. So I don’t know what I’m getting into here. If this is what its like in eighth grade, are we talking five star restaurants, private parties and (gasp) hotels for prom? Really, I have no idea, but I’m not looking forward to the conversation where we tell our son No to the hotel idea.
Anyone have a teenager and been through the whole dance/prom thing and can tell me what I’m in for? Are limos at eighth grade dances typical? What happens in high school then, do we fly the kids in (sarcasm)? But really, what are your thoughts on this? Feel free to call me old fashioned, the label fits.
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Jul
14
You would think that at forty years old and with two kids, I would at least be able to pretend that I have all the answers. Ha! Not even close. There are situations that come up from time to time and I have no clue how to handle them. I know what I want to do, but I don’t know what is the best way to go about it. So, I’m asking you for advice.
I’ll call this dilemma, The Uninvited Guest. Do you ever invite one of your child’s friends over and the friend shows up with their little brother or sister? Or it’s just taken for granted that the little sibling is welcome at birthday parties or any other activity? This happens all the time, and I’d love to know how you all handle this.
I’m pretty easy going, so my tendency is to just let the younger sibling stay and play. Most of the time, this works out okay. But when the younger one is several years younger than either of my kids, it gets awkward, because then it’s more like babysitting. I don’t want to plan a fun get together for my kid and his friend only to insist that they include a much younger brother in their fun. But it has happened that way, and it’s no fun for any of us. On the flip side, I would never send either of my kids to tag along with their brother to a friends house or party when they weren’t invited.
I have tried using my child as an excuse, saying “Nolan wants to know if Mark can come over”. I specifically do not mention the younger brother. Sometimes that works, sometimes they still show up together and sometimes I get asked, can little brother come too. Which puts me in an awkward position, because all of my reasons for saying No don’t sound too nice when I say them out loud.
So tell me, am I wrong to not want younger siblings to come over without being invited? Maybe I am the stick in the mud and need to get over that. If I’m not wrong, and it’s perfectly okay to expect the invited guest to show up by himself, then how do you handle this situation?
Because I’m a worrier by nature, you know this kind of thing has kept me up at night and caused me severe stress. I never want to hurt any feelings. Advice, please! And thanks!
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