Well, something amazing has been happening since I took that donation to the church.  People have been giving me, and my family, things.  Random people, random things.  I respect the privacy of these angels, but I can tell you that someone my husband works with gave us concert tickets for a local concert.  Concert tickets are not in our budget, that would go way over in the luxury column, which we don’t even use.  So this was a huge gift for us, and for my 13 year old son, who has been dying to go to a concert but knows better than to even ask.  He got to go with my husband, and it was a great concert, but even better, they shared a wonderful father/son experience that they’ll always remember.

Some other angels that I’ve only met online sent me some wonderful things for Christmas gifts for my sons,  and since I don’t want my sons to know the surprise, I won’t go into detail on that.  Just know that these are wonderful gifts for my boys, and again, not in my budget. 

There were some other things that happened last week that I won’t mention, but those things can only be chalked up to me being very lucky, or something else at work.  I know I’m not lucky, that’s been proven.  So I have to believe that because of the good thing I did, no matter how insignificant I thought it was, no matter that I wished so badly that I could do more,  because of that good deed, now good things are coming back to me.

I believe in karma, I believe what comes around goes around.  But more than that, I believe that if we trust, in whatever God we believe in, then we will be taken care of.  It took a huge leap of trust and faith for me to give money to a family I don’t even know, when my own family could certainly use that money.  I trusted, I had faith, and even though I did waver a little,  I am being taken care of.  I should never doubt that.

In a perfect world I would go out to lunch, get a pedicure, massage and go out with the girls!

Sounds like fun to me!

Look for an email from me so I can get this gift card mailed out to you in time for your holiday shopping.

I’m finding myself in that sandwich generation, or at least headed in that direction.  My kids still need me, and my parents will soon need more help from me.  I know alot of people my age, or close to it, are finding themselves in the same place.  What makes this harder for me is that I’m not very close to my parents.

I could write a book on the reasons why I’m not close to them, but that’s not a book I would want to read, so I won’t go into detail.  There’s been years of hurt and anger and bitterness, and in the past 2 years the wounds have been reopened, at least my wounds have.  As far as they know, those chapters are long closed.   Since I am almost 40, and try to deal with things like a grown up most of the time, I plan on letting the past stay in the past.

Just because I don’t want to rehash everything with my parents doesn’t mean that I have an easy time putting my hurt feelings aside.  I don’t, and I hate myself for it.  Holding onto grudges, or letting new, petty things hurt me makes me feel ugly.  As much as I want to hold onto my anger, and I really want to, I don’t like how it makes me feel.

I posted about how great I felt after helping a family that I don’t even know.  My heart soared, my spirit felt lighter, it was such a great thing.  But when my family needs me, I get all grinchy.  I don’t want to help, because after all we’ve been through, I feel like I don’t owe them anything.  And maybe I don’t.  But that doesn’t really jive with how I felt about helping complete strangers, even when it wasn’t convenient for me.

I can’t have it both ways.  I can’t believe with all my heart that we are called to help, to be kind and to love, yet at the same time, put up a brick wall when it comes to helping my own parents.  Even though they’ve hurt me.  Especially when I know, deep down in my grinch heart, that my parents do love me.  There are families that have caused each other pain beyond repair, hurts beyond forgiveness.   That’s not my situation.  It’s more years of little hurts and rejections that I’ve allowed to form into a huge pile of crap that I refuse to throw away.   

I can’t forget the past.  I’m not sure I can completely forgive either.  But I also can’t tell 2 elderly people, who for all intents and purposes don’t have anyone else to ask for help, that I won’t be there.  I can’t stay away when my dad is having potentially life threatening surgery.  I couldn’t live with myself if I did.

Maybe I’m growing up a little, if so, I guess it’s about time.  Whatever the reason, I’ve accepted that no matter what is lurking in the past,  I have to move beyond it.  I just can’t reconcile holding grudges with the kind, giving person that I really want to be. 

It’s been an emotional day.  I’m happy to be home safe and sound, and I’m feeling very thankful tonight, for lots of things. 

This post was entered in Scribbit’s November Write Away Contest.

After years of camp outs like this, I’ve learned that when they come home they will not be happy til they’ve had a shower and nap.  So even though I’m rested and excited to see them and hear all about it, I step back and just get the laundry done until they can function again. 

My son did tell me that he stayed up til midnight, eating Oreos and vanilla wafers with his friends.  I know, it’s a rough  life, but he suffered through it.  I think I better go on the next camp out, to monitor the sugar intake!  Like they’d let me.

Now for some of my favorite posts from the week.

the turn of a phrase - one plus two     I seem to find a favorite post at this blog every week, but Jen is a wonderful writer.  Her work and her plans to move to the jungle are just so inspirational.  This is one of the blogs that everytime I read it, I want to make big changes in my own life, so my life matches up with my dreams.

I believe - Jen Lemen

Orlando Clears the Way - Mama Om

Change - Unravelling     This is my favorite photo for this week, but definitely check out her other shots, they are all lovely.

I’ve got so many other favorite posts, but right now a couple piles of dirty laundry are calling my name.  Loudly. 

This is from the hike we went on last weekend.  My son had been snapping pictures and handed the camera to me on the way to the car.  I took this one last picture, and it’s actually my favorite picture from that day.

Check out more great SOOC shots at Slurping Life. 

So I have 2 days to myself.  Just me and the dog, and all he wants to do is sleep.  I have to work, but I don’t mind working when I’m home alone.  No distractions, no feeling guilty for working while the kids are home. 

But, if I didn’t have to work, what would I do? Hmm, that’s like asking yourself, what would you do if  you won the lottery.  You know it won’t happen, but it’s so fun to dream.  If my family was gone and I didn’t have to work, I would spend the first night chilling out.  I’d rent a movie, get some yummy snacks and curl up with a blanket.  Then I’d sleep in, til at least 9 - if you have kids you know that sleeping til 9 is a luxury that doesn’t happen too often.

For my 2nd dream day without the family, I would take some time for me.  Get my hair done, read a book, nap, whatever I wanted.  Then that evening I’d grab a friend or two, and get dinner or movie, or both.  I don’t know about you, but for me, a weekend like that would be like winning the lottery.

Just thinking about such a nice weekend has inspired me.  Leave me a comment telling me what you’d do if your family left you alone for 2 days.  Dream big, and give me details, what movie would you see, what book would you read, what spa treatment would you indulge in.  I want to live vicariously through you! 

Now for the giveaway part.  I’m giving away a $50 Visa gift card to one lucky commenter.

To enter:

Please leave a comment describing how you would spend a weekend without your family. 

I will pick the winner using the random.org generator  and will notify them via email. Open to US addresses only.  It’s one entry per person, but you can earn extra entries.

To earn extra entries:

• Subscribe to my feed You can subscribe through a feed reader or  you can also subscribe by email and have  posts sent to your email address. 
• Mention this giveaway on your blog with a link back here.

Please leave 1 extra comment for each additional entry, telling me which you have done (ie 1 extra comment if  you subscribe, 1 extra comment if you mention this on your blog)

This giveaway will end on Monday November 17 at midnight. This giveaway has ended, look for the winner announcement once I get an email from them. Thank you everyone who entered, great ideas for a weekend without the kids!

I can’t wait to read your comments.  Someday we’ll get to have that dream weekend, so it never hurts to plan ahead.

I found this on our walk this past weekend.  It’s a pretty good reflection of how much I enjoyed that walk, and just being with my family.

For more Love Thursday shots, visit Chookooloonks.

After doing a lot of reading, contemplating, and getting back in the habit of going to church, I do think I’ve made some progress. But it’s hard, and when life throws me a curve ball it’s so easy to go back to feeling sorry for myself.  I felt myself drifting back to that when I was out of work for awhile, because as life goes, when you’re out of work, all of a sudden there are new bills or things we need popping up. And piling up.  Before I knew it, all my positive thoughts were gone, replaced with the familiar moping and whining that everything that can go wrong has gone wrong. 

Instead of curling up with my negativity, and letting it take over, this time I decided to deal with it differently.  Instead of focusing on my too small paycheck, and stack of bills, and the braces that my son needs, I paid it forward.

I get emails from my church about upcoming events, and I had gotten an email that in addition to serving free donuts on Sunday, they would be selling breakfast burritos, with all proceeds going to a family that was in desperate need of help.  I’ll admit that when I first read the email, I didn’t pay much attention to it.  How could I worry about another family when I was working myself into a frenzy of worry about my own pitiful life?

But I couldn’t quit thinking about that email, and that family.  I could not stop thinking about how bad it must be, for someone to call the church and ask for help.  For two days I kept coming back to that email. 

So despite my intentions to wallow in self pity, I took some money to the church.  It wasn’t alot of money, I’m not kidding about the expenses piling up, but I took what I could and I asked the secretary if I could make a cash donation to the family that needed help.  I handed over my money, walked out of there and felt like a million bucks the rest of the day.  I felt lighter, more joyful, and less worried than I had in quite awhile. 

I’m not proud of my glass is half empty attitude, it’s my cross to bear and overcome.  Most of the time, I do overcome it, I do see the joy and goodness and ignore the rest.  But when I can’t, when I let it take over, I think I’ve found a way to get past it.  Giving and helping seems to be the miracle cure for what ails me.  I think I like it.

Five things I was doing 10 years ago

1.  I was about to turn 30 - yikes!

2.  I had a baby and a toddler, so I wasn’t getting much sleep.

3.  I was working a part time, night shift job, so my husband could be with the kids while I worked.

4.  My favorite thing to wear was sweatshirts. Oh wait, that’s still my favorite.

5.  We drove a little Saturn.

Five things on my to do list

1.  Spend more time on my blog

2.  Organize my desk

3.  Schedule a dentist appointment for myself - I don’t want to go!

4.  Start working on Christmas cards - yeah right.

5.  Get out the winter blankets.

Five things I like to snack on 

1.  Nachos

2.  Chips and salsa

3.  Chips and guacamole

4.  Layered taco dip

5.  Anything salty, and crunchy.  Like chips.

Five things I would do if I was a millionaire

1.  Pay off all bills

2.  Give back to the many people that have given to me over the years

3.  New house

4.  Travel

5.  Buy something wonderful for my husband on his 40th birthday

Five jobs I have had

1.  waitress

2.  office cleaner - which is funny if you could see my house now

3.  legal assistant

4.  retail salesperson

5.  Mom

Thanks for tagging me Robyn!! I skipped the 5 places I have lived, because sadly, I haven’t lived that many places.  You don’t have to be tagged to play along.  Feel free to list your 5 things on your blog, and leave a comment with the link so I can check them out.  

Last week we were in shorts and t-shirts, this week it was a little cooler.  I love cool fall weather.

These are my favorite guys.  I would tell you that I walked behind them on purpose, to take this picture, but the truth is, I’m just pokey.  They walk with me for a little while, indulging me while I take pictures of every little thing, but then they can’t take it anymore and go ahead without me.  My youngest son wants to take pictures too, he took most of these today, but even he runs ahead eventually.